(Minghui.org) After reading the Minghui editorial, “Giving Speeches Amounts to Disrupting the Fa” I was very thoughtful. Reflecting upon my cultivation path over the last ten years, including the detours I took, I realized that my giving speeches was the fundamental cause for the persecution I suffered and the tumbles I took on my cultivation path.
In the past, when I looked inward, I found my attachments to lust and sexual desire, to showing off and personal reputation among Dafa practitioners. These were also part of the reasons for my setbacks, but I failed to see the most fundamental cause of all. The karmic sins one committed by giving speeches to disrupt the Fa and the disrespect one showed toward Master and Dafa in the speeches were taken as evidence by the evil, and this is the most fundamental reason that the evil wanted to destroy those cultivators involved.
The Minghui editorial “Giving Speeches Amounts to Disrupting the Fa” stated, “In recent years, some practitioners and a handful of coordinators in some areas have been keen on holding large-scale experience sharing conferences. They push for inviting one or more individuals to give speeches at the conferences in the name of 'experience sharing'. In some places this has gone on for years...”
Between 2002 and 2003, I was engaged in the so-called experience sharing among Dafa practitioners in some counties in our area. Although the sharing conferences were organized by local coordinators, I failed to conduct myself according to Master's teachings in His articles, “A Heavy Blow,” “Bear in Mind Forever,” “Cultivators’ Avoidances,” and “Stability of the Fa.” I did not cultivate myself solidly and failed to realize that what I was doing was disrupting the Fa. On the contrary I thought I was cultivating well and had a deep understanding of Master's teachings, and I needed to help others improve. Because I had attended Fa lectures given by Master in person, and was a veteran Dafa disciple who could recite some of Master's teachings, I had a certain influence in our area (most coordinators did not have the opportunity to attend Fa lectures given by Master in person).
At that time, coordinators in each county organized experience sharing conferences, usually attended by more than ten people or sometimes dozens of people, which were pretty big conferences in view of the situation at the time when the persecution was still very severe. Although they were experience sharing conferences in name, they were not conferences in the true sense, because I did most of the talking. Although one or two practitioners or local coordinators also shared a little occasionally, the conferences had already deviated from Master's requirements for such activities. They were already disrupting the Fa.
I felt quite self-satisfied with the praise from fellow practitioners and their admiring glances. My self-regard kept inflating and the manner in which I spoke also became more and more authoritarian. I remember one occasion when I was attending a conference with dozens of attendees. At the beginning, we all did Heshi in front of Master's portrait. I felt something when I saw Master's Fashen staring at me with a stern look, but I was soon carried away by arrogance and conceit and I even had a very disrespectful thought about Master and felt somewhat jealous of fellow practitioners' respect for Master. Looking back, what a terrible evil thought that was!
Reflecting upon myself now, I can see that the fundamental reason I attended those conferences was my attachment of fear and self-protection. I did not dare to clarify the facts to people face to face and found it very hard to make any breakthroughs in my cultivation. However, whenever I was with fellow practitioners, especially when I was one of the few who had attended Fa lectures given by Master in person, and could wear the halo of a veteran practitioner, I felt safe and felt this could also be counted as stepping forward to validate the Fa. In fact it was no different than trying to gain self-interests by trickery and to take a shortcut. I did not truly cultivate myself solidly and failed to do the three things in a down-to-earth manner. In addition, because I did not genuinely cultivate myself I could not hold a calm mind when sending forth righteous thoughts. I kept reciting the verses instead of sending forth righteous thoughts according to Master's requirements. This also interfered with fellow practitioners to a certain extent.
Consequently, due to various reasons, I was arrested by the evil and suffered severe persecution. I took a detour in my cultivation, which left a black mark on me that causes me to forever feel regret. I feel deeply grieved at heart even now when I recall how cowardly I was in the face of the evil. No matter how good one may appear on the surface, without solid cultivation, one's true cultivation state will be revealed at a critical moment.
Master told us very clearly in “Fa-Lecture during the 2003 lantern Festival at the U.S. West Fa Conference” how the old forces will treat us if we are disrespectful of our Master and said in the end, “When you've really made a mistake with this, I can't even say anything when the old forces destroy you.”
I read the Minghui editorial again and again and truly faced my inner self. When reflecting upon each single thought I had, I finally understood that the fundamental cause for the persecution I suffered at the hands of the evil was that I disrupted the Fa by giving speeches and committed a big sin of being disrespectful to Master. I interfered with Master's Fa-rectification and my attachments were taken advantage of by the evil. Of course, my inflated self-regard and enlarged attachments of lust, zealotry, showing off and personal fame among fellow practitioners due to lack of solid cultivation were also direct causes for the persecution I experienced. Master, with his boundless grace, did not give up on me when I was feeling extremely low and abandoned myself to despair. Master kept dropping me hints, strengthening me and arranged for me to return to Dafa and to start afresh. Only by truly cultivating myself solidly can I be worthy of Master's boundless grace and compassionate salvation.
As far as I know, the few persons who went around to give speeches in our area and the surrounding areas all suffered severe persecution later on. Some developed crooked understandings, and some, even though they managed to come out of the labor camp, still lost their flesh body as a result of the persecution because they did not realize the seriousness of the matter. Some coordinators who were involved in those conferences also suffered serious persecution.
I'm writing out this painful experience in the hope that it can serve as a warning to fellow practitioners, so that they can truly realize the seriousness of this issue and be responsible to Dafa, to themselves and to sentient beings. We must walk our paths righteously and genuinely cultivate ourselves. We must not seek novelty or try to find any shortcuts. True wisdom lies in conducting ourselves according to Master's requirements to the full. There aren't many things on a grand and spectacular scale in cultivation, and very often things appear very ordinary, yet within them there is magnificence that we cannot see.
Lastly, I hope that fellow practitioners can draw a bitter lesson from my painful experience, solidly cultivate themselves according to Dafa, pay more attention to the Minghui website and keep up with the progress of Fa-rectification. Let us take fewer detours and save more sentient beings, so that our Master can truly worry less about us and feel a bit more relieved.
The above is my personal understanding. Please kindly point out anything improper.