(Minghui.org) I would like to share an understanding I've recently come to that has helped me to elevate and improve in an area that I've struggled with throughout my years of cultivation.

Since I was little, I have always had the notion that I was going to die young, and that my death would be violent. But I could never understand why this notion was so deeply rooted in me. This thought accompanied me throughout my entire life.

A Big Test

A couple of weeks ago while I was in my car listening to Master's Nine-Day Lectures on my smartphone, a man on a motorcycle came and demanded I hand him the phone and my other valuables.

At first I thought I could escape because Master was protecting me, so I tried escaping. But the thief caught up with me and very angrily kicked the car, pointed at me with a gun, and demanded I give him my valuables.

I gave him a few things, and then I tried to escape again. This time, even though I was stopped by traffic a few meters ahead and the thief could have easily caught up with me, he turned around and drove off.

Just at that moment, I received some words that deeply touched my heart: My life was predestined to end at that moment, but because I'm cultivating Falun Dafa, Master protected me, and the thief did not shoot me.

Deep Reflection Brings a Deep Realization

I spent the entire day reflecting on this matter. I very clearly felt that I should have died, but I did not.

It felt strange, as if I was living on additional time that originally was not mine to live. I knew I had to use the time Master had lent me in order to cultivate. I had to thank Master for the opportunity to remain here, even though it was my time to go, so that I could fulfill my prehistoric vows.

I felt ashamed, because I was actually falling short of meeting the requirements of Dafa. I was still severely affected by bad thoughts and had been unable to correct my behavior. For many years, my cultivation had been unstable. There were moments when I did very well, but soon I fell again, and I did badly for a long time. I could never understand why.

I had always tried to look inside, but after deeply reflecting at this moment, I realized that actually I didn't know how to look inside. Even though I had felt some supernatural phenomena, and sometimes felt my level was rising, these feelings were just Master trying to motivate me to become diligent, not the result of my own true cultivation.

Where I Kept Falling Short

I realized that somewhere along my cultivation path I had developed a deviated understanding.

I thought I could cultivate easily, without suffering or sacrifices, as long as I could maintain Fa study, practice, and sending forth righteous thoughts. I thought that if I clarified the truth a little bit, I would accumulate some virtue, and then I would not be interfered with so strongly. This way my cultivation would be "automatic," and I wouldn't have to suffer in order to discard attachments.

Sometimes when strong thoughts of sentiment, lust, fear, anxiety, or need for comfort came, the interference was very strong, and I felt a lot of pain while battling with these thoughts. I told myself that cultivation couldn't be so difficult, and that enduring all this mental pain was impossible. So surely I was doing something wrong, which was causing such strong interference.

So I "looked inside" and told myself, "Maybe it's because I haven't studied the Fa enough. I will try harder next time." So I would fall, and then I would study the Fa a lot. I thought that if I studied the Fa a lot, then I would fill myself with the Fa, and would not experience interference from bad thoughts, since there would be no bad thoughts inside me, only Dafa. But soon after, the strong interference always came back again, which I thought was very strange.

I would "look inside" again and say, "Surely it's because I am not keeping up with the exercises. If I practice every day, I will not suffer interference."

So each time I fell, I again started studying the Fa and doing the exercises every day. Yet hordes of bad thoughts would arrive, and no matter how much I tried, I still followed the bad thoughts and fell.

I would then "look inside" again, "Ah! I know what the problem is, I am not sending righteous thoughts daily." So I then sent righteous thoughts every day, practiced the exercises, and studied the Fa, but even so, a few days later when the interference arrived again, I fell.

I was quite confused, "I'm doing everything well! What is going on?! Why am I still being interfered with so strongly? Why can't I reach the standard of a cultivator?"

My New Understanding – Truly Looking Within

This interference is contrived by the old forces to make a cultivator feel incapable of cultivating, or to make him lose faith in Dafa and think Dafa “doesn't work” or isn't real. This is because no matter how much one tries, one cannot elevate in this way.

After reflecting deeply a few days after my encounter with the thief, I realized the most fundamental problem in my cultivation. I didn't want to accept that cultivation involves sacrifice, and that abandoning attachments is painful.

Although I thought I was "looking inside," I wasn't really.

Very deep inside myself, I was unconsciously just looking for excuses. Excuses for not abandoning my attachments, and excuses to get carried away with my bad thoughts.

This habit was so deeply rooted in me that I had not realized it. I really thought I was looking inside, but in fact, I wasn't.

I thought that if I applied a certain "technique," for example if I studied at least one chapter of the Fa per day, practiced the exercises, and sent righteous thoughts, I would not have to suffer any pain or make any effort to abandon bad thoughts, because I would be "cultivating." This resulted in a feeling of anxiety where I thought I should study the Fa and practice every day as soon as possible during the day in order to avoid interference and survive one more day without suffering strong interference from bad thoughts.

But since the beginning, Master always said to us in Zhuan Falun,

"Cultivation depends on one's own efforts, while the transformation of gong is done by one's master."

I finally understood these words a bit more deeply. Cultivation depends on oneself, not on how many things we do, or in what way we do them. It depends on our abandoning our attachments. There are no shortcuts or "techniques," or special ways of doing things that make cultivation easy.

Determination Renewed

I concluded, "Cultivation involves sacrifice. If it hurts, it is good. If it hurts, then I am elevating. From now on, I will face all bad thoughts. If it hurts so much that I feel I am going to die, then I would rather die a cultivator than live as an ordinary person. It doesn't matter if the mass of bad thoughts they throw at me is as big as the universe, I will not be moved. There are no excuses for failing."

I now directly face bad thoughts with strength and determination. I tell myself that there is no excuse not to face bad thoughts, and no excuse to not eliminate them. The result is that it doesn't hurt as much as before, and I can always pass the tests.

I used to think that being diligent depended on external factors, or on doing some things to gain some virtue and manifest faith in Master. I now more clearly understand that doing the things a cultivator does, without cultivating, is an empty and meaningless ritual—it is not true cultivation.

Since I have reached my new understandings, I can quickly detect bad thoughts or attachments, and make an effort to fundamentally change my behavior so that I can rectify myself and assimilate to Dafa.

Thank you, Master, for providing me with such a great opportunity to elevate my xinxing and continue on my sacred path as a Dafa practitioner.

All this is just my understanding and experience at my own level. If there are any inappropriate understandings that are not in line with the Fa, please let me know so that I can improve.