(Minghui.org) When another fellow practitioner and I shared our experiences the other day, she told me that she had tribulations in her marriage. Her husband had had an affair. She complained and wondered how her husband could do such bad things even though he was also a practitioner.
I could tell she was suffering and she tried her best to restrain herself according to the principles of Dafa. I told her to look inward. She said, “I've tolerated all of his mistakes. He is also a practitioner, so why does he still do such a bad thing?” She also said, “He is my husband. I must get him back on track.”
Actually we all understand that only the Fa can save people. Anything else is wrapped up with human emotion and cannot change people's hearts. If her husband was a real practitioner, he would correct his mistakes. He would also listen to fellow practitioners' sharing. If he only read the Fa on the surface, but did not change his heart, he was not a genuine practitioner. When she said she wanted to get her husband back on track, this was her attachment to competition and sentimentality.
“Therefore, from now on when you come across a conflict you should not consider it a coincidence. This is because when a conflict occurs, it will take place unexpectedly. But that is not a coincidence—it is for improving your xinxing. As long as you treat yourself as a practitioner, you can handle it properly.” (Lecture Four in Zhuan Falun)
I realized: Since everything we encounter is not a coincidence, then any family tribulations must also not be a coincidence. The tribulations occurred because we had some attachments and needed to improve. Since we are cultivating in ordinary human society, the manifestation is the same as ordinary human society.
In this case, this practitioner's husband had an affair. She should have looked inward and asked herself why this happened. Even though it seemed it was her husband's fault, she probably had attachments that she needed to get rid of herself.
I had a similar problem previously. From the perspective of ordinary people, I am superior to my husband, but he had an affair with another woman. When I found out, I was shocked and almost collapsed. I only had one thought, I wanted to divorce him. But my husband refused to divorce. I struggled every day, trying by all means to divorce him.
I gradually calmed down with Master's help. I realized all my tribulations resulted from the attachment of lust. The attachments of competition, jealousy, hatred, selfishness, desire and anger are all related to lust. They are manifestations of demon nature that need to be eliminated.
Of course, there is a big gap between identifying the attachments and actually eliminating them. So the first thing I did was to tolerate my husband. Master said in "What Is Forbearance (Ren)" in Essentials for Further Advancement ,
“Forbearance is the key to improving one’s xinxing. To endure with anger, grievance, or tears is the forbearance of an everyday person who is attached to his concerns. To endure completely without anger or grievance is the forbearance of a cultivator.”
I understand that as a practitioner, I should not only let go of sentimentality, but also eliminate other attachments such as hatred for my husband and the jealousy I felt, otherwise, I was not acting like a practitioner. I also understood that looking inward is the key to overcoming this tribulation.
At one point I became really angry and fought with my husband. Afterward, I regretted my behavior. I looked inward, and realized I had the attachment of sentimentality to my husband. I also have jealousy and hatred. I did not fight with him later, but I still felt uncomfortable. I looked inward again and I found the attachment to saving face and competition.
Later the woman who had the affair with my husband came to my house. I was able to keep calm, but when I looked inward, I could not forgive my husband and I did not have any compassion towards him. I continued to look inward. One day, when I let it go I realized I felt so relaxed. It took me three years to completely overcome this tribulation.
Once I passed this test, I found that I was relaxed and calm. I was not moved by lust and sentimentality any more. I became peaceful and rational. I always considered other people first. I always looked confident and pleasant. I understood what Master said, “...take a step back in a conflict, you will find the seas and the skies boundless..” (Zhuan Falun) Only through practicing Falun Dafa could you do this. After understanding this principle, I did not hate my husband any more.
The attachments to sentimentality and lust are difficult to overcome, as they have been built up and reinforced over many lifetimes. The key is that when we have tribulations, we should not be moved. We should always look inward and eliminate the attachment to sentimentality. Master said,
"Of course, you will not be informed of a tribulation or conflict ahead of time. How can you practice cultivation if you are told everything? It will not serve any use. They usually occur unexpectedly so that they can test one’s xinxing and make one’s xinxing truly improve. Only then can it be seen whether one can maintain one’s xinxing. Therefore, when a conflict arises, it does not occur accidentally." (Lecture Four in Zhuan Falun)
In my understanding, every problem that happens is because of our attachments. Nobody will tell us ahead of time to prepare for the test or what will happen. We should look inward and understand it ourselves. Master has explained the Fa very clearly, we need to cultivate ourselves and look inward.
Sentimentality is a manifestation of selfishness. Although we may feel pain when we let the attachment go, it is different from the pain everyday people feel when they are forced to let go of something. After going through this process comes freedom from being controlled by the attachment, hence the calm and relaxed feeling I described.
Master's poem, "Cause and Effect" in Hong Yin : "‘Tis not that the journey of cultivation is painful, Karma from generation upon generation is blocking you. Steel your will, eliminate karma, cultivate xinxing, And become a Buddha who keeps forever the human body."
We have been waiting for the Fa for thousands of years. Sentimentality is a trap that tries to keep us from returning to our true home. Let's eliminate it and purify ourselves with Dafa.