(Minghui.org) Over the past 14 years exposing the persecution, I felt that I did well the three things that Master told us to do. Other practitioners also thought that I did them well. However, I had the habit of working alone and was not willing to work together with other practitioners. Gradually, it became a notion that I did not want to get rid of.
I felt it may not be safe if a large group of practitioners went out together to speak to people about the persecution of Falun Gong. This notion prevented me from further improving myself, as well as prevented me from keeping pace with the Fa-rectification. Master saw my problem and used other practitioners' mouths to help me.
Through sharing and with the help of other practitioners, I made some improvement in this regard. However, I did not truly improve my understanding based on the Fa.
I could work together with practitioners on a small scale to clarify the truth to people face to face, to persuade them to withdraw from the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) and its affiliated organizations, and to distribute Shen Yun Performing Arts DVDs and informational materials about Falun Gong. But I was still unwilling to join the group to distribute materials on a larger scale.
I told the other practitioners: “I have passed the phase of distributing materials as part of a group on a large scale. I can give people truth-clarification materials face to face. Will distributing them otherwise have the same effect?”
Sometimes I used Master's Fa to justify myself.
“Of course, if you’re saying that you didn’t get involved in Shen Yun because you were doing other projects, then there’s nothing wrong with that. That’s great. If you’ve been truly diligent and dedicated to those other projects, and done a great job there, then that’s not a problem and I’m still happy even though you didn’t work on Shen Yun.” (“20th Anniversary Fa Teaching”)
Now when I look back, I realize that I was being disrespectful to Master by using Master's Fa to cover up my attachments. This is unrighteous. Whatever my attachment was, Master saw it very clearly.
Once the coordinator asked me: “Our project is still short of hands. Do you want to help? Are you afraid?”
When she mentioned the word “afraid”, I became very unhappy. I told her, “I am not afraid. I will go.”
After the practitioner left, I was still angry. I could not study the Fa effectively with a calm mind. I also felt this was not how a practitioner should be. I stopped studying and started to look within.
I reminisced on how I had been illegally arrested twice. On both occasions, it occurred when I was with other practitioners. The memory stayed with me, and as a result, I had developed the habit of working by myself. I felt it was safer this way.
In addition, many projects needed to be done in a quick and focused fashion. I was afraid that other practitioners may slow things down and cause trouble and distraction for me.
Indeed, I had fear. I was afraid of many things, and what the coordinator said about me was correct. Behind my fear of trouble and distraction, I was also afraid of being arrested again and imprisoned. I had a strong notion of self-protection. Fundamentally it was because of my selfishness.
Once, eight practitioners, including myself, formed four groups, with two people per group. Each of us needed to post 100 truth-clarification flyers and 16 large posters.
The practitioner paired up with me was a quiet person. While posting the informational materials, I still had the habit of only focusing on my responsibilities, without considering others. But this practitioner was totally different. He thought about other practitioners all the time.
For example, we were assigned to post the materials inside a 16-story building that didn't have an elevator. He volunteered to climb to the top floor and let me start from the middle floor down. After we finished, he went to help other groups and let me rest and wait.
After the other two groups finished, there was still one pair that hadn't come back. My partner went to look for them, but could not find them. He then ran back to tell us all to wait at a safe place and went to look for that pair again. Finally he found them. They hadn't finished posting the materials. He then helped them to finish the task.
His understanding was that we should cooperate with each other as a whole, and help everyone to get back safely. After we had finished, I noticed that his whole body was covered in sweat. However, he didn't complain at all and had done everything very orderly.
The other practitioners also cooperated and helped each other. They all quietly contributed to make the whole operation flawless. Some practitioners were a little slow, but the way they posted the flyers was very neat and orderly. I was fast, but the flyers I posted often looked a little tilted.
The practitioners' actions and selflessness influenced me. From their actions I saw my shortcomings. That day, I firmly made up my mind that I must cultivate myself to get rid of selfishness. I must think of others first no matter what I do, and I should truly become a selfless, altruistic and righteous enlightened being.
I now voluntarily participate in distributing truth-clarification materials on a large scale. I also actively engage in other projects. No matter what I work on, I have developed the habit of thinking of others first.
For example, once while distributing materials in a building, I picked the dark side of the building and left the bright side for the other practitioner. After I finished my task, I also helped others so that everyone could finish faster. I also made sure to post the flyers straight, not tilted, and passed out the materials in a composed and steady manner.
I now understand that no matter what projects we work on, as long as they conform to the Fa and what Master requires, I should unconditionally cooperate with other practitioners and make sure to do the tasks well.
By participating in this project, I found my gaps by comparing myself with other practitioners, and I have since gotten rid of my hidden fear, selfishness, impatience, and mentality of being competent. I can also now accept criticism from others.
I can now see that my basis for doing things was not righteous before. I did not consider saving people to be the first priority. I now truly understand that improving myself and saving people are the first priority.
I am very grateful that Master allowed me to identify my shortcomings through this project. As a result, I'm now constantly working to improve myself, walk out of the old cosmos' selfishness and assimilate to the new cosmos.