(Minghui.org) In the past, I missed many opportunities to participate in the online experience sharing conferences for Mainland China Falun Gong practitioners because I was held for several years in a Chinese Communist Party (CCP) prison. After I was released last year, I wrote an experience sharing article, but it didn't get published. However, I wasn't disappointed. Some time ago, I read the notice on Minghui Weekly calling for papers for the ninth experience sharing on Minghui. I was so excited that I immediately began to write my experiences and understandings to report to Teacher and share with fellow practitioners in the hopes that we can improve together to complete our sacred mission that history has entrusted to us.
Eliminating Attachments of Anger, Dependency and Saving Face; Rectifying My Improper Cultivation State
When I was released from prison, I was penniless, homeless and unemployed. My family was torn apart and I only had a few old clothes. Furthermore, the persecution of Falun Gong was still ongoing. How was I to survive? In the midst of not knowing what to do and feeling helpless, fellow practitioners helped me solve my problem of livelihood. I often felt sad when I looked at the practitioners' hard-earned money used to support me.
Due to the tortures I experienced in the prison, I was in poor heath and looked a lot older than my age. Practitioners worried about my health and encouraged me to study the Fa more and do the three things well.
During this period of time, several practitioners helped buy clothes for me, while others provided food, living expenses, found a job or printed out Teacher's lectures for me. Some recommended jobs that I felt were unsuitable for me. At that time, I was unwilling to accept any “low-class” work because I used to be one of the key persons at a company. In addition, I didn't realize that sentient beings of different professions were all waiting to be saved. Some practitioners then began to talk about my unwillingness to work at the jobs, making me feel depressed. I was in such a poor cultivation state that I began to feel anger towards these practitioners who were helping me and no longer wanted to stay in touch with them. I would only say hello to them when I ran into them somewhere. I basically didn't regard myself as a practitioner. Why didn't I know to look within when coming across this matter?
When I couldn't bear it any more, I went and talked to a senior practitioner. She advised that I should also look within and helped me raise my understanding of the Fa. Through continuously studying the Fa and looking inward, I finally found my attachments to dependency, seeking comfort, fear of hard work, saving face, and “filling my stomach” as long as I got the three things done. I didn't realize that I was doing everything based on conditions.
I recently read an article on the Internet that mentioned a female practitioner who borrowed 500 yuan from her uncle who told her she didn't have to pay him back. However, she had a dream one night that her uncle wanted his money back. I was very inspired after reading the article. The practitioner stated, “Practitioners shouldn't owe others money. It's really urgent that we save people, and our truth-clarification materials are already very limited. Many practitioners live frugally in order to save money to use on the much-needed projects. Teacher has already mentioned that we must repay our debts. Much of our karma and debts that we owe from our previous lives have been harmonized and taken care of by Teacher. If I don't immediately cultivate myself well to pay back the karma and still continue to waste Dafa resources, am I still a practitioner? Am I not making it more difficult for Teacher? I don't even thank Teacher and practitioners and yet I am still stubborn. How dangerous this is.”
When I thought of this, my wavering mind became calm. I made up my mind to seriously study the Fa after clearly understanding the direction I wanted to take.
I then went to look for a job while continuing to clarify the truth. The companies that I interviewed at only offered a low salary. I was willing to still take one of the jobs as long as I could have a steady income to cover my basic living expenses, so I wouldn't increase practitioners' burden. Through hard work and saving money for a period of time, I was able to fully repay what I owed to all the practitioners who helped me and heartily thanked them for their financial support and spiritual concern. Seeing that I was serious and sincere, all the practitioners accepted my thanks, allowing me to feel at ease.
Saving Sentient Beings with Heavenly Songs—Righteous Thoughts and Righteous Actions
I am in charge of a free local physical examination center for elderly people. My work is to individually serve senior citizens and talk to groups of seniors about health issues. On weekends, I organize some type of recreational activity. The elderly folks like to sing songs, but since they don't know how to sing modern songs, they only sing Chinese Communist “red” songs. Some of them also wear shirts with the red flag printed on them. They are all very kind and I wanted to find a way to save them from the shackles of the CCP.
I get along well with these elderly people. They all feel that I am their “pistachio,” someone who makes them feel happy. They also like to talk to me more than the other instructors because of my cheerful character. When they tell me I treat them better than their own sons and daughters, I tell them, “You are my loved ones, so I have to take good care of you!” When I have time after classes, I like to tell them ancient folk tales in order to inspire their compassionate and righteous thoughts. In private conversations, I tell them about the Bo Xilai and Wang Lijun incident and their impacts on Chinese society. I told them that both Bo and Wang vigorously promoted singing Chinese Communist songs and attacked what they labeled to be illegal organizations. As a result, Bo didn't succeed in what he wanted to accomplish, but instead ended up getting punished and imprisoned. I asked them to learn a lesson from the incident and to stop singing CCP songs.
Later on, I stopped singing everyday people's songs and thought about the beautiful music created by practitioners. I began singing some of the Dafa songs to the senior citizens every weekend. I decided to write down the lyrics and frequently listened to the songs. Before singing to the elderlies, I asked Teacher to strengthen my righteous thoughts and divine power so that my singing would be able to disintegrate the communist specter, so they would be able to feel the beauty of Dafa.
Getting Rid of Human Notions
My neighbors are a young couple who do business out of town, so they are rarely home. They are only at home for several weeks towards the end of the year. I have wanted to tell them about the truth of Dafa for some time, but never did because of fear. One time, I had sent righteous thoughts beforehand, but when I went to talk to them, my human notions were too strong and I ended up not clarifying the truth. Many opportunities to save them were missed because of my strong human notions.
One day, my neighbor suddenly came home. I was surprised when the wife told me that her husband wanted her to take a driving class, so he told her to go home. I thought that her coming home may not be really for that reason.
When I was studying Teacher's lecture, “2012 International Fa Conference at the U.S. Capital”, Teacher said,
“Of course, success for Dafa disciples is not simply a matter of self-liberation, and it was not for themselves that they came here. Rather, they shoulder the mission of saving sentient beings. Meanwhile, even the world’s people who want to obtain the Fa are on a mission—it’s not just for themselves, either. Rather, they are responsible for the survival of their sentient beings. They descended to this world to save those sentient beings of theirs, and it was on this account that they came.
When history is marching ahead and a path is extending forward, no one can block what the heavens have decided. During that process you should do your utmost to save more people and enable them to remain. Indeed, I tell you as Dafa disciples that you still really need to save more people, for I had arranged for this to happen...”
We are assisting Teacher in Fa-rectification and our responsibility is to do what Teacher wants. We shouldn't only save people we don't know and not save those who are around us. I realized that this was her only opportunity to be saved after waiting hundreds of millions of years. Since we live close to each other today, I should save her. If I only think of protecting myself and cause her not to be saved, the infinite sentient beings in her corresponding universe will not be able to survive. How could I be so selfish? Where is my compassion? Didn't Teacher tell us to cultivate ourselves to think of others first?
I then started sending forth righteous thoughts to eliminate the attachment of fear. By the time I had cooked the peanuts, my neighbor was already back from the driving class. I brought the peanuts to her home and began talking with her. However, before I could tell her about the truth of Dafa, her friend asked her to go outside to talk about their dinner appointment. She told me, “I'll be back in a minute, wait for me.” After she left, I continued to clean the bad elements that were trying to interrupt her from understanding the truth of Dafa and blocking her from being saved. I asked Teacher to strengthen my righteous thoughts. She returned 30 minutes later and asked me to go to her home. Everything turned out smoothly. I selectively read some of Teacher's Fa and poems from Hong Yin III to allow her to better understand why practitioners clarify the truth. When she learned the truth, I felt happy for her and her world's sentient beings.
Eliminating Gratitude and Resentment
At the beginning of my marriage, my parents-in-law treated me very well. Since I had to work out of town, my husband and I stayed at two different places. I was only able to return home on the weekends, so my mother-in-law looked after my son. My father-in-law is a well-educated and a kind man. However, my parents-in-law believed the CCP's lies that slandered Falun Gong. As a result, they had a misunderstanding about the practice. Although they didn't say anything directly to me, they were against me practicing Falun Gong. I tried to clarify the truth to my mother-in-law many times, but to no avail.
When I was imprisoned, my sister's husband originally planned to go through some channel in the prison so I would suffer less and be released sooner. However, when he heard that I still strongly believed in Dafa, he stopped working on it. Furthermore, soon after I was detained, my husband brought a divorce lawyer and court personnel to the prison. No matter what I said or how much I pleaded with him, my husband still insisted on divorcing me. After I was released, I hated my ex-husband and his whole family. I only thought that he and his family had abandoned me when I was in need of help. I promised myself that I wouldn't have any contact with them. As the process of Fa-rectification is constantly advancing, sentient beings have fewer opportunities to be saved. I then thought that I should forget their past wrongdoings by understanding and forgiving them, instead of hating them.
Teacher said in “Realms” from Essentials For Further Advancement,
A wicked person is born of jealousy.
Out of selfishness and anger he complains about unfairness towards himself.
A benevolent person always has a heart of compassion.
With no discontentment or hatred, he takes hardship as joy.
An enlightened person has no attachments at all.
He quietly observes the people of the world deluded by illusions.
Taking advantage of the holiday, I brought presents and some fruits to visit my former parents-in-law. During the visit, I treated them as my own parents. In this way, they felt the beauty of Dafa. During dinnertime, I got them more rice when their bowl was empty. After dinner, I peeled oranges for them to eat. I also thanked them for taking care of my son. As a result, all the grudges and misunderstandings between us disappeared. Finally, my father-in-law withdrew from the CCP and its affiliated organizations.
Although I have been doing the three things this past year, I still feel that I am not diligent enough. I still have many attachments, such as an attachment to money, fear, lust and vanity; the show-off mentality; complacency and fear of suffering. Sometimes I feel so bad because I didn't get rid of an attachment when I realized it. In order to live up to Teacher's compassionate salvation and for sentient beings' sake, I must abide by what Teacher says, do the three things well, eliminate attachments, cultivate diligently and fulfill my mission so as to not leave any regrets.
Thank you Teacher.
Thank you fellow practitioners.