(Minghui.org) I am a proficient writer who has written many articles to help expose the persecution. I have also helped many fellow practitioners revise their articles, and they have acknowledged me with their appreciation. I became proud of this fact and felt a great deal of success from my writing ability.
During the 8th China Fahui last year, my article was published on Minghui.org at the beginning of the Fahui. All of the local practitioners said the article was good. Although I looked nonchalant, I felt very proud of myself deep down. In fact, for a long time, I had a very deep interest in my articles. I would watch attentively to see whether they were posted, when they were posted and the response they received from other practitioners. Without my realizing it, my attachment to self and fondness to fame thus increased a great deal.
The attachment to self was definitely one of my shortcomings and had been growing for a long time. While sharing with fellow practitioners in group Fa study, I had xinxing conflicts with them because of my attachment. I had been looking inward, trying to control and get rid of this attachment. Therefore, since I was working on it, I thought that I must be improving and it really wasn't an issue.
When the articles from the 9th China Fahui on Minghui.org were posted, however, I discovered that my attachment to self was stronger than ever.
On the night of November 8, 2012, I saw that the Minghui website started to post articles from the 9th China Fahui on Minghui.org. I glanced at the article list and did not see mine. I didn't think anymore about it and went about my business, handling other things.
During the next few days, I still did not see my article published. I couldn't help but wonder why it was not posted yet; I had been very satisfied with my writing. I reviewed the article again, going over the details of its structure and content. I wondered if practitioners from Minghui had changed the title of my article. I glanced at the titles of all published articles again but still did not see my article. What was going on? I felt anxious.
About a week later, my wife, who is also a practitioner, told me that her article was posted on Minghui.org. I replied calmly, "How nice." In reality, however, I was envious. I wanted my article published!
A few days later, I read a sharing article from a Taiwanese practitioner, titled “Reading Minghui Fahui Articles Promotes Encouragement and Improvement” (Chinese version: http://www.minghui.org/mh/articles/2012/11/25/貒明慧法会文章-是砥砺也是提升-265883.html). I suddenly felt my brain buzz even before I finished reading. I realized that I had not sincerely read any of the posted articles from the 9th China Fahui on Minghui.org. I had been so attached to my own article that I shut my eyes to other practitioners' sharing. How strong was my attachment! I could not have imagined how large my attachment really was. My heart beat fast, and my face felt hot. I shared my thoughts with my wife. She smiled and said, “It is good that you realized it.”
I then copied and saved every Fahui sharing article on my computer. I also made a copy to the USB drive I carry with me. I promised myself that I would spend the time to seriously read every article. Every article contains cultivation essence of fellow practitioners, and every article can help me improve.
Two days later, my article was posted, but I was not excited. My heart was filled with appreciation to Master. I felt deeply thankful to Master for helping me to improve utilizing this means.