(Clearwisdom.net) Having gone through many ups-and-downs in the past year, I have matured a lot through hardships and have understood the seriousness and magnificence of cultivation practice, as well as felt the peacefulness and serenity upon improvement.
Merging into the one-body and overcoming selfishness
I was depressed after returning home from being detained in 2009. I worried about my relative’s safety when she went out to clarify the truth, and I could not help her due to my human thoughts. I knew I was in a bad cultivation state, but I could not get over being depressed. Fellow practitioners then asked me to provide technical assistance to material sites. I told myself, “This is my path. Although I have stumbled on my path due to my human thoughts, this is an opportunity to make up for it.” I realized the reason for my depression was fear of being persecuted again and losing the surroundings of ease and comfort, as well as fear of causing loss again if I failed—all human notions based on selfishness. After identifying my fundamental attachments, I merged into the one-body again.
Becoming a coordinator for the first time
Being in contact with many fellow practitioners at material production sites, I understood the enormous responsibilities I was shouldering. I therefore increased my Fa study and the times I sent forth righteous thoughts. Instead of taking everything over and exhausting myself teaching technologies like I did in the past, this time I focused on sharing understandings with fellow practitioners and improving my xinxing when problems arose. As a result, all the material sites started running smoothly.
Material sites were up and running, but the separation among practitioners was relatively great, with everybody doing his or her own things, as the local practitioners had not formed a one-body. We all knew the importance of forming one-body, but finding a coordinator became an issue. When Master’s lecture “Be More Diligent” came out, I shared my understandings with several fellow practitioners and told them we could afford no more delay. They all agreed to shoulder the responsibilities of being coordinators. A practitioner warned me of many possible hardships given our local situation, but I had only one thought: “Study the Fa more and take Fa as the Master. As long as I use the Fa to measure everything, I will succeed.”
Learning to look within during conflicts
We decided to resume Fa study groups in order to form a one-body. As soon as we started, there was interference. The authorities seized several practitioners and sent them to brainwashing centers. I recognized that this was evil interference but that we should turn the bad thing into a good thing and use the opportunity to form one-body. I shared my understanding of exposing the evil and the brainwashing center, and everybody agreed.
However, one of the practitioners contacted me the very next day, totally objecting to the idea, saying it would cause everyday people to misunderstand us and make the persecution worse. I argued with her emotionally, as if I were lecturing her, and quoted Master’s Fa trying to win the argument. She became emotional, too, and left abruptly, saying, “Don’t do it. Whoever does it will be responsible for it. We will not help you on this.” Watching her leave I realized I had failed to maintain my xinxing. I shared what happened with another coordinator, thinking she cultivated pretty well and would support me. However, she agreed with the other practitioner and told me to hold off, and she also said I was being too hasty. I was very disturbed and told my practitioner relative about this. My relative told me straight away that she would not go out with me to post stickers anymore.
With so many conflicts happening all at once, I knew something must be wrong with me. I calmed down and started examining my every thought, why I wanted to validate and prove my point, and why I felt I had to defend myself when others questioned me. Master said,
“The biggest problem is actually that practitioners have not cooperated well with each other. Of course, there are regions where practitioners were locked in endless arguments--one wanted to rent this theater and another wanted some different one--and they forgot that they were to validate the Fa, not themselves.” (“Fa Teaching at the 2007 New York Fa Conference”)
Wasn’t I trying to validate myself? Even though I quoted Master’s Fa, I was trying to use the Fa to shield my human thoughts. Master said,
“A Dafa disciple’s righteous thoughts stem from the Fa, and your cultivation is not a matter of how good, as a human being, your ideas are or how brilliant your approach is. Rather, your cultivation is a matter of whether you manage to have righteous thoughts in the face of challenges.” (“Be More Diligent”)
Identifying my fundamental problem of lacking righteous thoughts in the face of problems, my grievances and resentments disappeared. I started to take other practitioners’ comments into earnest consideration. I came to understand that doing what I had suggested was not wrong, because anything in line with exposing evil and saving sentient beings is not wrong. But my way of thinking was not right, so Master used other practitioners’ mouths to wake me up, instead of keeping me from doing it. Master wanted me to do this successfully, but with a purer heart. I sincerely shared my thoughts with other practitioners, admitting my previous thoughts were not on the Fa. The other practitioners also looked within, and, in the end, we successfully accomplished the task together.
Steadily and righteously walking my cultivation path
While coordinating with practitioners, I always had problems coordinating with my family member and was always criticized. On the surface I tolerated it, but I defended myself in my heart, failing to realize all these things were arranged to improve my cultivation. When I knew I had shortcomings, I wanted others to be kind when they pointed them out to me. Looking inside, I realized I was tied by sentiment in dealing with my family member as well. I suddenly realized the reason for my impatience while teaching others technology. Blaming other practitioners for their shortcomings, I was, in fact, belittling them and placing myself above them. I not only failed to play the role of a coordinator, but created separations among practitioners.
Upon coming to this realization, I felt so ashamed. I failed to take my relative's criticisms as opportunities to improve myself. Instead, I refused to accept her comments although I didn’t say anything. When I saw other practitioners’ shortcomings, instead of kindly reminding them, I blamed and criticized them behind their backs. When I proposed something in the group, deep down I would hold the thought, “This cannot go wrong, otherwise I will be blamed.” I carefully covered my fundamental attachment with human cunning and was quite proud of my “abilities” to handle things.
Finally identifying these unrighteous elements, I said to Master in my heart, “I will be that practitioner who is honest and simple, sincere and down-to-earth.”
Finding joy in hardship is a great pleasure
I started to look at things from the other person's standpoint, focus on fellow practitioners’ virtues, and examine myself according to the Fa in every circumstance. Gradually I felt the ease and efficiency of getting things done without human thoughts. When I broke through the thick shell of acquired notions, what I saw was a boundless cosmos. Meanwhile, my understandings of the Fa principle “One’s gong level is as high as one’s xinxing level” (Zhuan Falun) was deepened. When I was immersed into the Fa, the powerful energy was indeed so strong that it could subdue everything in my dimensional field like a mountain.
The process of writing this article has helped me develop a peaceful mind and examine my thoughts. I will advance more diligently on my path of cultivation practice and strive to truly help Master in Fa-rectification.