(Clearwisdom.net) It has been a long time since my wife has had a conflict with my mother. I had a very difficult time being the middle person between them. I always dealt with family conflicts using everyday people's principles. As for my wife, who sometimes practices Falun Gong, when she complained about my mother's faults, even though I didn't say anything, I silently agreed. As for my mother (a practitioner), I always thought that, since she is my mother, I should respect my parents, so how could I make excessive demands on her? Master taught us,
"Cultivation practice is a serious matter. The distance has become greater and greater. It is extremely dangerous to add anything human to cultivation practice." ("Digging Out the Roots" from Essentials for Further Advancement)
Because my actions weren't based on the Fa, the conflicts were not resolved and became more serious. I was miserable, so I asked fellow practitioners to help. Most of them said that it was my wife's fault. I complained to my wife and mother about their poor xinxing, but they didn't improve themselves and thus caused me trouble. I didn't know where the problem was.
In an article published in 2009, Teacher said,
"No matter what problems might arise among Dafa disciples, they are, for sure, aimed at certain people or the human attachments of a certain group of people."
"For a cultivator, looking within is a magical tool." ("Fa Teaching at the 2009 Washington DC International Fa Conference")
Were the family conflicts aimed at my attachments? I began looking inward unconditionally, regardless of who seemed right or wrong. My wife blamed my mother for her snobbishness. I think this was brought about by the karmic relationships with these people. As a cultivator, was I also snobbish? Isn't seeking fame and fortune--"respecting" people who are better off and looking down on people who aren't--also snobbery? My wife displayed a heart of jealousy. I looked inward and found that when I cooperated with fellow practitioners, even though I didn't say much, I was unwilling to cooperate and didn't want to listen to them because I felt my ideas were better. Was this not a heart of jealousy? I looked at what my wife complained about, and I found that all of her complaints pointed to my attachments. Thoughts of blame towards my wife and mother sometimes appeared in my mind. I cleared and suppressed these bad thoughts. I did not allow them to separate fellow practitioners or damage our whole body.
I tried to follow the requirements of the Fa, and even though I didn't do everything well, something dramatic happened. My mother suddenly changed. She became tolerant, understood us, and treated us well. My wife also changed and became less rigorous. Everything was heading in the right direction, which was previously impossible. I marveled at the magic of Dafa. I had often looked externally, put all the blame on my wife and mother, and thought that it was their fault, not mine. I had treated the problem with everyday people's principles and didn't realize that the problem was aimed at my attachments. Master arranged this opportunity for me to improve, and of course this also included my mother and wife's improvement.
Because I looked within, the environment changed and I also climbed one more step up on the heavenly ladder Master arranged for us. Such conflicts come to help us upgrade ourselves, so we should happily face whatever comes and look inward. How can we feel pain?