(Clearwisdom.net) I studied the Fa with an older fellow practitioner at her home in the past. She and another practitioner had a misunderstanding that was partially caused by mis-communication and resulted in a distance between them. They commented on each other's shortcomings, which I did not want to hear. But I heard everything. I saw their competitive mentality and their problems with cultivation of speech. Why, then, did I see their problems? The reason was that I also had the same problems. Only the problems that I had were not as obvious as theirs. I knew about these problems and paid attention to eliminate these two attachments. At the same time, I also noticed the two older practitioners' dependence on others, which caused interference with other practitioners. I understood the factors behind the situation and sent righteous thoughts to dissolve the evil interference completely. From then on, I did not study the Fa at her home as often, and I actually used alternate routes to avoid her home.
One day, she called me and asked me to come to her house after we had talked for a long time. I found time in the evening to visit her. On my way to her home, I bumped into her and her husband. I asked them what was going on. She again talked just about daily life. I did not say anything, but I looked down on them in my heart. On my way home, I clarified the truth to other people and thought I was right, that I had no fear, and that I was behaving in a dignified manner. Actually, I was verifying myself.
My xinxing and level were not upright. As I stepped off a bridge onto a side road, I slipped and fell down, because the road was under construction. My hand was grazed and I ripped my pants. I quickly got up and suddenly had an epiphany.
I immediately realized that I was wrong. Where did I go wrong? I looked down on people and pretended to show off. My mentality to show off was terribly strong! I was not willing to listen to anything that contradicted my notions, establishing my show-off mentality. I talked about everything that I was able to do and worried about other people not knowing what I had done; this was all a part of the show-off mentality. This show-off mentality was even involved in my wanting to make the best truth clarification materials. Doing something unconventional and different from others, I was validating the show-off mentality. This show-off mentality has hidden deep in my cultivation. Fundamentally, it was to verify myself. It caused distance among practitioners. It caused bad effects in verifying the Fa and I did not realize it. For example, I always mentioned my family's education when I talked to others about the truth about Falun Gong. It seemed like that would be more convincing to people than what I said about the truth. Later, I found that these truths that I put forth were not pure and had germinated from other people's mindsets. I still add a few such words now and then without realizing it.
One day I met a practitioner, and she told me a story. There was a fellow practitioner that others thought had cultivated well. Fellow practitioners praised her. As time passed, she built up an attachment to work. At the truth-clarification material production site, she acted arbitrarily. Her loophole was taken advantage of, and she was deceived, which resulted in a significant loss of funding that was supposed to be used to save people. The practitioner did not dare to tell others what she had done in order to save her "fame." She turned the opposite direction to stimulate other people's minds. At last, a fellow practitioner said, "Fame can destroy a practitioner!" I listened and said in my heart that I was fortunate that I did not pay attention to "fame." Actually, I did not find the root of my attachment.
On the other side, behind verifying oneself and fearing others' comments, remains the intent to maintain one's "fame." The purpose of letting others recognize one another is to "seek fame." Some time back, I made and distributed truth clarification materials with the heart to save people, which is a righteous thought. But, my recent mixed expressions due to "fame" created mischief. At the same time, I also enlightened that not pointing out fellow practitioners' attachments was due to worry about losing something, and was actually also to maintain "fame."
"Fame, gain and sentiment" keep fame in the forefront and are the chains that restrain people within the Three Realms. Today, I see them clearly, peeling off the superficial phenomena layer-by-layer. I wanted to eliminate them at the root because they do not belong to my true "self."