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Experiencing the Test of Life and Death

September 26, 2009 |   By a practitioner in China

(Clearwisdom.net) I am from Guiyang City, Guizhou Province. Although I don't have any formal education, I wanted to share my feelings about passing the test of life and death, in the hopes that we can all improve our understanding of the Fa and strive forward together steadfastly.

I'm 69 years old. I began to practice Falun Dafa in 1996. During the first few years, because I couldn't enlighten to a high level, I didn't study the Fa diligently and thus did not cultivate my Xinxing as a practitioner should. I only paid attention to practicing the exercises and thought that it was essential to elevate my level. Therefore, despite many years of cultivation, I could not enlighten to the principles of cultivation. Thus, my xinxing had not been elevated and my body didn't change either. Sometimes, I experienced sickness karma. I passed the most severe illness test around March 2009.

One day, I suddenly felt uncomfortable and very weak. I had a low fever. Sometimes, I had the shivers and felt cold and hot. When I felt hot, I sweat profusely and my clothes and hair were drenched. But, when I felt cold, although I held tight to a hot water bottle and covered myself with an electric blanket, as well as several comforters, I could not get warm. I was so cold that I rolled up in a ball and shook uncontrollably. Even my bed shook. I also vomited whatever I had eaten.

I believed that I would be well after a few days. I didn't look inward, nor did I send righteous thoughts. I just let the evil take advantage of my loopholes. Three weeks later, my condition worsened. I couldn't stand up and was bedridden. Even my hands and feet couldn't move. I couldn't eat for several days. What I vomited was bile. I felt pain all over my body and it was as if tens of thousands of ants and insects were biting me. I felt excruciating pain. My feet were so swollen that I couldn't put on my shoes.

One day I needed to go to the bathroom. But, no one was home. I couldn't get up by myself. I was so worried. Suddenly, I fell off the bed. Though the bed was not high up it was a big fall. I tried to crawl to the bathroom. I was so exhausted and it was so painful that I just lay on the floor. I didn't realize that I was a practitioner and that I should send righteous thoughts to deny the persecution by the old forces. I only kept begging Master that he take mercy on me. I didn't have a single righteous thought, nor did I behave as a practitioner. Master could not help me, either. The excruciating pain made me long for death.

Then, a fellow practitioner came to visit me. After he had listened to me, he asked, "Are you a practitioner? Do you have any righteous thought? Why didn't you look at this incident from the perspective of the Fa? Why don't you reinforce your main consciousness? You thought that you would be relieved by death. In fact that would create even bigger karma. Also, you accepted and conformed to the arrangements by the old forces." What this practitioner said reached deep into my heart. I felt really ashamed.

I enlightened that now is the crucial moment of the Fa-rectification period and every practitioner is trying his or her best to do the three things arranged by Master. But, I just lay in bed and missed this extremely important event. I began to feel very anxious. My daughter saw that I had not recovered after a month and wanted to take me to the hospital. I agreed to go to a small clinic to appease her. The doctor couldn't help me and asked my family to take me to the hospital. In the hospital I was subjected to many different examinations, including CT and X rays. I was diagnosed with late stage cancer. I stayed in hospital for four days. My condition didn't get better. I even twice received a "Notice of Critically Illness." On the morning of the fifth day, the hospital said I needed to change to the provincial level hospital. They said that they couldn't help me. They said that I should go there as soon as possible so I still might be helped. I felt puzzled in my heart and didn't know what to do. At this moment, our benevolent Master guided me. A fellow practitioner from Guiyang came to visit me early one morning. After she saw the notice about changing hospital, she began to send righteous thoughts right away, denying the persecution of the old forces, asking Master to strengthen her.

After these days of this ordeal, I finally realized that I'm a practitioner and a cultivator who walks the path to become a divine being. How could an ordinary person heal my illness? I should go back home right away.

After I went back home, with the help of many practitioners, I finally achieved righteous thoughts. Because I was very weak I couldn't do the exercises, so I just studied Fa. I studied many lectures Essentials for Further Advancement, Hong Yin and many other Dafa books. Sometimes, I still felt excruciating pain that made me roll all over the bed. I could feel that the evil pressed down on me like a dark cloud. I would recite the Fa-rectification verse again and again. I strongly believed that the Fa-rectification verses would surely destroy the evil and eliminate the ordeal. I began to have a very strong righteous thought: "Evil, you are just nothing. I can surely disintegrate you. I will surely disintegrate you, because my life has been handed to me by Master. Whether I live or I die depends on my Master. No other being has the right to persecute me." The pain decreased and the minute I felt pain, I erected my palm and send righteous thoughts to eliminate the persecution that the old forces had brought to my body. If I hadn't truly cultivated, I would have died.

With the strengthening from Master and the help from many practitioners, I studied the Fa and sent righteous thoughts more often. I was getting better and better. When I calmed down, I would look inward a little at a time to find my human notions. I found a lot of attachments and human notions. I found that I was selfish. Now, I wanted nothing more but to cultivate myself well. I wanted to get rid of fear. But, I took clarifying the truth, distributing Dafa materials as a job or mission of an everyday person. I simply thought that the more people I saved and the more materials I distributed, the better I cultivated. When studying the Fa with a group of practitioners, even when I saw that there were practitioners who could not understand the true principles of the Fa, I couldn't point it out, because I feared that the fellow practitioners would be angry with me. I only complained in my heart. This is true "selfishness." I wasn't studying the Fa diligently, because I always put myself in the first place. I only studied the Fa like a formality. I only paid attention to how many chapters I studied one day but didn't try to understand the principles of the Fa. When I send righteous thoughts, it was only a sort of formality. The more I looked inward, the more I realized my attachment to fear, the more clearly I understood that the reason why the evil persecuted me was because I didn't study the Fa well and I didn't have a clear understanding of the Fa. I couldn't let go of selfishness. This had given the old forces an excuse to take advantage of my loopholes and attack my physical body. After I found my attachments, I began to share with fellow practitioners. I understood that Fa-rectification cultivation was very serious. No matter what problem we face during our cultivation, we must look inward unconditionally. No matter under what kind of circumstance, it is crucial to have strong righteous thoughts and to strongly believe in Master and the Fa.

With the help of fellow practitioners, I elevated my understanding and reinforced my righteous thoughts. My body is getting better and better. My family members no longer ask me to take medicine.

I knelt before the picture of Master and made a vow: "Master, You've saved my life from death. How much painstaking effort you've spent on me, this student who always let you down! From now on I will let go of fame, money, emotion, and all human notions. I now strongly believe in Master and the Fa, will sincerely cultivate and do the three thing well with the purest heart. Surely I will not betray Master's grace of saving my life, I will not betray the name of a practitioner and I will remember the vow I made before history and follow Master back home."

I lost three months of saving sentient beings due to this false cancer. The lesson is unforgettable. I've made up my mind to make up for the losses. My body just recovered, my feet are still swollen and the skin on my body has not completely grown back. But, because I was filled with remorse and the wish to save sentient beings, Master helped me. I no longer feel pain, even when walking very far with my fellow practitioners to clarify the truth of Falun Dafa. I began to distribute Dafa materials. I didn't feel tired even when I climbed up over ten floors. I feel even more energetic than before. I truly experienced the deep and profound meaning of the principle, "Good or evil comes from a person's spontaneous thought"(Zhuan Falun)

When I was passing the test and eliminating karma, I received much help from fellow practitioners. Practitioners from other places came to visit me and helped me strengthen my resolve to eliminate the evil. They sent righteous thoughts for very long time in my house. They helped me understand the principles of the Fa and also shared with me how other practitioners passed the test of life and death. The practitioners who studied the Fa with me helped me a lot. One in particular, the oldest among us, showed great concern for me. When I was still bedridden, she came to visit me every day, sent righteous thoughts and practiced the fifth exercise. She played Master's lectures to me with a cassette recorder. When I felt a little bit better, she took me to group Fa-study. She also helped me a lot in my ordinary life. I am really touched by all the unselfish and sincere help from fellow practitioners. I could feel the strength and warmth of everybody as a whole.

I want to give my gratitude to our benevolent and great Master as well as this great Fa. It's Master and the Fa who created a group of unselfish supermen and superwomen!

My gratitude goes to all the fellow practitioners who have helped me. It's your unselfish help that helped me walk through the ordeal and pass the test of life and death.

September 11, 2009