(Clearwisdom.net) Greetings, revered Master! Greetings, fellow practitioners!
I'd like to take this opportunity to share with everyone my cultivation experiences.
I began to practice Falun Gong in mid July 1998. I have always been timid, submissive, and afraid of getting into trouble. But deep down I wanted to continue to cultivate, and this wish has kept me on the path. From my experiences, I realized that I can accomplish anything as long as I have the thought to validate the Fa.
Breaking through the restraints at home
In February 2000, I went to Beijing to appeal for justice for Falun Gong and was illegally arrested and detained for ten days. Afterward, my supervisors did not allow me to return to work, and the police often harassed me and my family. I was very afraid and there was a lot of tension at home. My husband was deceived by the television propaganda and was afraid that I would be persecuted again. He was restless at night and even wanted to use a rope to tie my hands. When I practiced the exercises, he got up many times to see what I was doing. He did not sleep well every time he heard that the police were conducting a search. Sometimes he looked from the balcony to see whether the policemen were coming and even prohibited me from contacting other practitioners. I found out later that he locked me in the house by installing a bolt from the outside. He also asked my mother to come to our house to monitor me.
It is hard for a non-practitioner to understand the pain that I went through. I had no contact with other practitioners and could not get any news about Dafa. Sometimes I could not study the Fa with a calm mind. I often tried to find ways to obtain news regarding the progress of Fa-rectification and the things that practitioners should do.
Teacher said in Zhuan Falun, "Cultivation depends on one's own efforts, while the transformation of gong is done by the master." Teacher must have seen my wish and arranged for a practitioner to bring the lectures to my home. I also went with practitioners twice to Beijing to appeal for justice for Falun Gong and returned home safely. After that, the environment at home changed. My mother stopped coming to my house to monitor me. My husband got very busy at work and did not have time to watch over me as much. At the time, I did not really know how to cultivate and to look inward, and often applied ordinary means to do things. My wish was to fulfill a practitioner's responsibility, and my firm belief in Dafa touched my husband. During this period, Teacher must have worried about me.
Through studying the Fa, sharing with practitioners, reading sharing articles on Clearwisdom, looking inward, letting go of validating myself, and seeing myself as a particle of Dafa, my notions gradually changed and I have eliminated a lot of fear. During the cultivation process, I slowly began to put others before me, and conducted myself according to Teacher's and Dafa's requirements. I stopped doing things carelessly and began to take good care of my children and home. I treated my husband as a sentient being waiting for salvation. When he was in a good mood, I talked about Falun Gong and good things that practitioners have done, so that he understood that practitioners are good people and the goodness of Dafa. Sometimes I read Clearwisdom articles to him. I also sent righteous thoughts to eliminate the bad elements around him.
At first, he would not listen to me, cursed at me, and destroyed informational material on Falun Gong. Gradually, he was less angry at me and did not say much. Now, once in a while, he helps me with Dafa projects. He went through a tremendous change in 2005 after he wrote a declaration to quit the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) and its affiliated organizations. Since then, he has stopped kicking practitioners out of the house, questioning them, and reporting them to the authorities. His notions changed after observing practitioners' speech and behavior. During this period of time, I showed him DVDs about Falun Gong, and he understood most of them. Now, at times, he helps me copy and print DVDs and other Falun Gong materials.
Establishing an information materials site at home
Due to the needs of the progress of Fa-rectification, information materials sites have been established everywhere. Because practitioners who handled the main materials production site in my area were persecuted many times, a practitioner near my area overcame technical and financial difficulties and established a materials site at her home. Other practitioners and I worked together to transport the materials. This materials site has been operating steadily, and practitioners' righteous thoughts and acts have affected me and encouraged me.
In July 2007, my husband bought a computer. With the help of practitioners, their righteous thoughts and patience, I was able to visit the Clearwisdom website and learned basic computer skills. I also broke through my attachment to fear and let go of self. Later, I added computer parts to make DVDs, and a printer. I established my own material site that provided information for thirty to forty practitioners. This process made me realize even more that as long as we have the thought, there is nothing we cannot accomplish.
Making truth-clarification paper currency
After Teacher acknowledged the usefulness of writing truth clarification information on paper currency in "Teaching the Fa in the City of Los Angeles," we decided to write information on the bills that we had. Initially, some practitioners who ran businesses thought that writing information on currency by hand was somewhat limited, so practitioners made stamps to print the messages on the bills. This approach was better but the content stamped on the bills was limited. One time, I saw a bill that had printed truth clarification messages on it and thought it was a great idea. At the time I did not have a printer. I showed it to another practitioner, but she was too busy making truth clarification materials and did not think about printing on bills. Nevertheless, I wanted to do it. One day I read an article on Clearwisdom on how to print on bills. I followed the instructions and printed a stack of bills. I thought they were quite useful, so I talked to another practitioner about it. She saved a stack of relatively new bills and gave them to me. I ironed the bills, then printed the information on them. Eventually, hundreds and thousands of truth clarification bills were in people's hands. I felt quite happy about it.
During the process, I had many xinxing tests and had to overcome fear, zealotry, and anxiousness. The printer made loud noises and I was afraid that my neighbors could hear it. I also worried about my husband coming home while I was printing the bills. In addition, the odor was awful when I ironed old bills, and the smell lingered in the house for a long time. Practitioners could sense the irritating smell when they picked up the printed ones. Because my husband is not a practitioner, I tried not to print the bills in front of him and sent righteous thoughts so that he could not see them or smell them. Although my husband has a sharp sense of smell, he was not able to detect the odor. Some of the old bills were soft, so when we were in a hurry to use them, it took longer to iron and dry them than to print them. Sometimes the bills got jammed in the printer. Not only did I have to make sure my family did not see them, I had to quickly give them to practitioners. This made me very nervous. I had to calm myself and let go of anxiousness. Sending righteous thoughts was imperative and had to be done with great effort.
Afterward, practitioners obtained new bills from the bank. Thousands of truth clarification bills were printed and sent to practitioners, and "traveled" from counties to villages. I also taught several practitioners the technique of printing bills. Currently, many practitioners who own printers in our county know how to make truth clarification bills. The few of us work well together, mainly because we can let go of the self and do whatever Dafa requires. One can easily see and exchange truth clarification bills in our county.
Although we did the work, Teacher must have helped us a great deal. It was because we had the wish that Teacher was able to help us accomplish our tasks. During the process, I was able to eliminate many attachments. I remember once my human notions surfaced as soon as I had trouble contacting a practitioner. Later I found the practitioner and asked her to teach practitioners who have printers to learn to print the bills. This way I could do less and not have to contact other practitioners so often. But things were not as easy as I thought, because each practitioner's situation was different. I discovered my selfish thought of wanting to save myself some trouble and that I looked down on others. After eliminating these attachments, everything seemed to go smoothly, and I was able to coordinate with practitioners and accomplish my tasks.
Repairing the printer
Due to the large number of bills I printed and the pressure of time, the printer was sometimes overloaded and broke down quite often. I asked practitioners to fix the printer, but they were often busy, especially when I needed to use the printer urgently. So I wanted to learn to repair it myself. Since I barely knew how to operate the television, I was not sure if I could learn to repair a machine. I researched and studied articles on Clearwisdom but could not figure out how to fix the printer. A practitioner taught me once, but when I took the printer at home apart, I could not find the parts that I was looking for. I watched for the second time when a practitioner repaired the printer and tried to remember what she did. When my printer at home was broken, I tried to take it apart and solve the problem. It was because of the wish of wanting to fix the printer myself that I learned how to repair and maintain the printer. Now I can even help other practitioners repair and solve printer problems.
Though I spoke about repairing a machine, it is more important to cultivate myself. There was a fair at the temple on May 12, 2009. I wanted to clarify the truth there, but the next day was Falun Dafa Day. Practitioners needed some informational materials in the evening, and others needed truth clarification bills, though not immediately. Had I arranged things accordingly, I would not have delayed anything. However, I had layers of attachments. At the time, I wanted to print materials for a practitioner who was at my house. I had an attachment of showing off, so after I set up the computer program, the printer suddenly stopped working.
The practitioner and I looked inward, and I noticed my attachment of showing off and wanting to accomplish something. I sent righteous thoughts without any result. I searched on the Internet for solutions and looked for practitioners who could help. I came up with different solutions but was unable to solve the problem. I knew that I was the problem but could not resolve anything.
Every April 8, 18, and 28, people from nearby cities and villages come to the temple. I should have taken this opportunity to save more sentient beings. Unfortunately, I failed to do so. Finally, on April 28, I went to the temple to clarify the truth. After returning home, I found the crux of the problem, and the printer ran smoothly when I turned it on.
For a practitioner, nothing is coincidental. Everything is related to our xinxing. As long as we can find our mistakes, the machines can be repaired or don't even need to be repaired. The process of fixing the printer is also the process of cultivating oneself.
Eliminating the attachments of sentimentality and dependency on other practitioners
I come in contact the most with practitioners A and B. Practitioner A is very steady with Fa study. Ever since we met at the Fa study group in 1999, regardless of the harsh situation, we have always kept in touch. In 2000, we traveled to Beijing to appeal for justice for Falun Gong. Regardless of the weather, we accompanied each other to distribute information material and persuade people to quit the CCP. I thought we were friends for life.
Practitioner B examines everything and conducts herself based on the principles of the Fa. She directly points out my words and behaviors that are inappropriate according to the Fa. This has helped me greatly. The last few years, we worked well with each other producing information material and clarifying the truth. I depended on them greatly when it came to understanding the Fa principles. Whenever I encountered tests that I could not pass or Fa principles that I did not understand, I often shared and asked for their advice. They helped me greatly with my cultivation, and I developed an attachment to sentimentality and dependency on them.
When I think back, I often visited practitioners A and B, and practitioner C at her shop. Sometimes we chatted about issues unrelated to cultivation. After I came home, I felt bad that I had wasted our precious time. The conversations also stirred up human notions. I realized that I had the attachment to sentimentality and tried to restrain myself and cultivate myself in this regard. When I wanted to visit them, I asked myself if it was necessary. They realized the same thing as well. Thus, when we were together, we tried to study the Fa and reminded each other to improve our sharing and do better on validating the Fa. We tried not to talk about unrelated issues and waste the time for validating the Fa.
This summer I moved to an area where Practitioner C lives, right behind her building. I've always wanted to live near practitioners, so I wanted to study the Fa and clarify the truth with C. Because I was a bit stubborn, could not treat others with kindness, and was dependent on others, I did not clarify the truth by myself. After the move, I thought that Practitioner C should not attend a Fa study group that was farther away, and that she failed to seize the opportunity to save sentient beings in her area. But in reality, she had been attending the same Fa study group steadily for many years. She did not have an attachment to fear and clarified the truth well. She has already been walking her own path of validating the Fa, so how could I make her follow mine? I thought that doing things together could help us raise our levels, but in fact, I was being selfish. I depended on her for everything--studying the Fa, clarifying the truth, using broadband connection, and making information materials. I had such a strong attachment to dependency.
I used to obtain informational materials from Practitioner B. I took whatever I wanted, and I even tore open and took materials that were packaged for other practitioners. As a result, B had to make more material for others, and that did not seem to bother me. I put myself before others and let others work around me. After I identified my attachment to dependency, the printer began to work, my husband installed a broadband connection, and I was able to make time for Fa study and doing the three things.
Now, besides making information material, I ride my bike around the area by myself and tell people the facts about Falun Gong and the persecution. This has become easier and smoother. My xinxing has increased while clarifying the truth to people. A few times I met people who were deeply indoctrinated by the CCP propaganda. They verbally abused me, but I was not moved. I feel lonely when I think about the moments I clarified the truth with Practitioner A. Then I remember Teacher's words, "With such an enormous Fa here, the Fa will be with you when your thoughts are righteous," ("Fa Teaching Given in Manhattan") and sense that Teacher is next to me. All honors and insults are nothing in comparison. When I think this way, it is much easier to clarify the truth and persuade people to quit the CCP.
From my experience over the last eleven years, I think the most important thing is to cultivate ourselves and place Dafa as our number-one priority. In addition, we need to be steadfast. And as our xinxing elevates and we validate the Fa well, everything becomes smooth. As soon as we think of validating the Fa, we need to follow up with actions immediately. Otherwise, our will becomes weaker as time passes, and we may slack off and neglect our cultivation. Then we can only feel regretful for what we failed to do.
The above are my understandings. Please kindly point out anything inappropriate.