(Clearwisdom.net) I am a young practitioner, and I started practicing Falun Dafa in 1997. Looking back on the path I have taken, I noticed that my realm has been remarkably upgraded. I feel extremely lucky to be following Teacher and to be where I am today. I'd like to share with you the experiences I have had in this period of time.
Eliminating Thought Karma
When I began to practice Falun Dafa, I found that I had very severe thought karma, and bad thoughts would frequently arise in my mind. Teacher said that the old forces had made very detailed arrangements for our thoughts. Although I was unable to see other dimensions, I felt that the old forces were trying hard to take advantage of the loopholes in our minds. Many times when some unrighteous thoughts emerged, I would think along that line. Luckily, I would realize it very quickly, so I would instantly say in my heart, "This is not my thought. I will eliminate it!"
For example, upon learning from articles on the Minghui/Clearwisdom website that policemen tortured fellow practitioners in China, I would think, "How would I react in that situation?" Sometimes I would even imagine some of the scenes of torture. At times like that, I would instantly send forth righteous thoughts to eliminate the thought karma, as well as the old forces and the evil factors behind it.
Sometimes the thoughts that reflected in my mind were very bad, and I was unable to suppress or eliminate them. It was the old forces trying to make me feel that I was not worthy of cultivating Falun Dafa, hate myself and be unable to extricate myself from the mental pain. Upon realizing it, I sent forth one thought, "No matter how serious the interference is, I will continue to cultivate Falun Dafa. That thought was not mine and I will eliminate all the bad beings and factors that were involved in that thought." Later, I found that the interference from my thoughts became increasingly concealed. If I did not pay special attention, it would be hard for me to detect it. Therefore, I really paid a lot of attention to all of my thoughts. Now, I still come across interference, but it is not that powerful anymore. Whenever my righteous thoughts are strong and I have a clear and rational mind, it is very easy for me to eliminate these bad thoughts.
I thought to myself that on the path of cultivation arranged by Teacher, the old forces have no excuse whatsoever to interfere. They are not worthy of testing Falun Dafa practitioners. As a practitioner, I must conduct myself according to Teacher's requirements and Teacher's arrangements. I should not allow the old forces to use any excuse to interfere with my normal environment of cultivation, or to harm or take away my human body, with which I would reach Consummation. I kept this strong thought in mind but was not attached to the environment or to my physical body. We must negate the existence of the old forces in any situation and take the path arranged by Teacher. This is the best method for us. I also realized that under no circumstances should we have any thought of quitting cultivation.
Sometimes, I would feel defeated for failing to pass a test. Didn't Teacher say that if you want to pass the test, then you can pass? How come I failed to pass the test? After looking inward I asked myself, "Did I truly want to pass the test?" I was really surprised. It turned out that deep in my conscience I did not have a clear understanding of the attachment that needed to be eliminated. Instead, I had adopted an indifferent attitude and even thought that it was good. From the surface, I knew that I must let go of the attachment, but deep down I firmly held on to the attachment and did not want to let it go. In essence, I did not want to let go of the attachment. My attempts at "letting go of the attachment" were actually a form of the attachment to reaching Consummation. However, deep in my heart, I was reluctant to let it go. After realizing this, whenever the test would arise, I would ask Teacher in my heart to help me eliminate the part that I did not want to let go. After that I really felt that in passing the test, whenever you genuinely want to let it go, you can pass the test.
Teacher said that many practitioners failed to ask Teacher for help when they were being persecuted. I was puzzled about why they would forget to ask Teacher for help. One day in the first half of this year, I felt very cold and was running a high fever. When I could not bear it any more, I wanted to ask Teacher for help but thought it would not be good and that I should bear it myself. I was hesitating and could not make up my mind. Suddenly, I realized that this thought was not right. On the surface it looked like compassion but underneath it concealed an attachment.
We all know that when a child is born, he or she does not have any acquired notions, so their parents are the ones they trust the most. Whenever they need their parents, would they hesitate to call out to them for help? Isn't Teacher much more than ordinary parents? Having enlightened to this, I cried out in my heart for Teacher. I asked Teacher to help me. I would bear whatever I could bear and ask Teacher for help with whatever I could not bear. As a result, I recovered very quickly and was back to normal in two days. From that time onward, I often thought of Teacher. Whenever there was a thought that I felt was hard to let go of, or when I came across very severe interference, I would ask Teacher for help. However, we should avoid becoming totally dependent on this. Of course, what I am talking about here is not pushing all of our tribulations to Teacher. There are some that we should bear ourselves. I only want to remind fellow practitioners that under similar circumstances, we should not be affected by acquired human notions.
Clarifying the Truth to My Relatives
I have been clarifying the truth for seven years, but I either purposely or unintentionally avoided one area, which is clarifying the truth to my own relatives.
Teacher repeatedly mentioned the issue of clarifying the truth to our relatives. However, when I wanted to do it, I found it was very difficult. I have been thinking about it. Why do I find it so difficult to do, even when Teacher has explained the issue very clearly?
Recently, I seriously looked inward and found that I had many shortcomings in this area. It was easy for me to get excited, and whenever I heard my relatives or others say that Falun Dafa was not good, I would feel angry. My eyes would open wide, my pitch would get higher, and I could not talk clearly any more, so the result was usually not good. This was particularly so with my mother. A lot of times she would listen to me and her understanding of Falun Dafa was pretty good. I also felt happy. However, not long after my talking to her, she would become muddle-headed again as a result of listening to some bad comments. I was really angry with her for not sticking to her principles and always following the crowd. As a result, I would lose my temper. Now, I have realized my shortcomings and attachments. It was my own problem that caused the result. This was because I failed to treat her as one of the sentient beings to be saved, and instead mixed in a lot of human sentiment. Besides, I always thought that we are a family, so I did not pay enough attention to minding my speech. I failed to do well in daily life, and that left her with a bad impression, which prevented her from correctly understanding Falun Dafa. Now, I try to maintain a peaceful mentality in daily life, so there are less and less minor squabbles. The environment has improved, and my mother's understanding of Falun Dafa has also improved.
Clarifying the truth to my wife did not make any headway over the past few years. Mainly it was because of me. I began to cultivate Falun Dafa before we got married, and I always hoped that she would come to learn Falun Dafa. I gave her a copy of the introductory book, China Falun Gong. However, she returned the book to me without finishing it. The inhuman persecution of Falun Gong began shortly after we got married. At the time I did not know what to do, but I knew that Falun Dafa was good and I would never leave Dafa. In the eyes of my relatives I was an outcast, and my colleagues at work also said bad things about me behind my back. Having a strong aversion to me, my wife became one of my opponents. Under such pressure I could hardly smile anymore. In the subsequent years our relationship did not improve. We quarreled a lot and were on the brink of divorce.
With my understanding of the Fa principles deepened, I tried to clarify the truth to her. However, the result was not good. I realized through continuous Fa study that it was my attachments that interfered with her listening to the truth clarification. She complained that I failed to show concern about her. It seemed that the two of us were from different worlds. We stopped sharing our thoughts with each other and did not even smile at each other. I realized that I had failed to meet Teacher's requirement that we cultivate in an environment in line with everyday people. However, I measured her with the criteria of a practitioner, so I naturally failed to acknowledge her. My reaction was that I would feel happy if she supported me, and I would have a strong aversion to her or be disgusted with her if she did not support me. Everyday people would more or less be attached to fame, gain and sentiments. In clarifying the truth to family members we also need to do so in line with their ideas and attachments. I began to show concern for her both in words and actions. I shared my thoughts on the issues of work and money that everyday people were keen about. For example, I talked about how corrupt the Chinese Communist Party is and that's why the Chinese people are very poor. Only when the CCP is disintegrated could we live a better life. Then when I talked about quitting the CCP, it was a lot easier for her to accept.
I had always been disgusted with some relatives who were seriously poisoned by the CCP. This was a human thought and as a practitioner I should have kept a pure heart. This was what I did not do well in the past. My parents-in-law were both members of the CCP. They worked in the medical field and were deeply convinced by what the CCP-controlled media said. Since July 20, 1999, when the CCP began to persecute Falun Dafa, they believed the lies and were hostile towards Falun Dafa. For fear of hurting their feelings and directly confronting them, I seldom talked about Falun Dafa to them. I had the mentality of fear. I was afraid that they would learn that I was still practicing Falun Gong, and I was afraid that they would be worried if they learned how inhuman the persecution was. I hid this fear all along. However, I thought it was not wrong since they did not mention anything bad about Falun Dafa, and I decided to leave the truth-clarification for the future, until recently when something happened and I was really awakened.
Before July 20, 1999 when my relatives learned that the persecution was about to begin, they took away some of my Falun Dafa books, among which was a pocket-edition of Zhuan Falun. I liked that book very much. Later on, I always wanted to have this book back, but did not know where it was. A few weeks ago, I found it when tidying things up at my parents-in-law's house. I was pleasantly surprised. However, I only casually went through the pages and put it back. I had a bit of fierce struggle in my heart. I was thinking about ways to take it back without having to directly confront them. I still wanted to cover up the fact that I was still practicing Falun Dafa. This thought was already not righteous. When I was about to pluck up my courage, deep in my heart I felt very much unsure. When it seemed that they were about to become suspicious, I could only ask them to keep it properly. After returning home, I very much regretted that I had missed a good opportunity to get my book back. I phoned my parents-in-law but they told me that they had burned the book. I was in deep regret over the next few days. I knew it was my mentality of fear that caused the serious consequence. There was nothing that I could do to get that book back any more, and I had to let go of this mentality of fear.
My parents-in-law had been seriously deceived by the CCP's propaganda, and I knew that it would be very difficult for them to accept Falun Dafa materials straight away. I had to prepare them first. I printed out an open letter on Falun Gong by a Chinese human rights lawyer and planned to let them read it at a convenient time in a couple of days. However, I found that I could not wait any more, so I found an excuse to go to their home. I said a few words about this lawyer and the open letter that he had written, and asked them to read it. I did not talk about anything else and left. In the days that followed, I kept sending forth righteous thoughts to eliminate the evil factors behind them.
In the days that followed, it was very quiet. I thought that maybe they were angry with me. A few more days passed, and I said to myself that I must go there and have a look. I prepared to confront a very awkward situation, but when I got there, they were a lot warmer than ever before. My mother-in-law said that they had read the letter and believed in the existence of the persecution. However, they thought that the letter mentioned God, which they thought was not scientific. I said that the United States is more advanced scientifically than China, and even their President believed in God. My mother-in-law smiled but did not say anything.
After that, I clarified the truth to them while chatting about some hot topics. They loved to watch the news, so I would print out articles on current social issues together with some Falun Dafa related news for them to read. I believed that the ice was melting away. I also firmly believed that I could do better in the days to come. From this situation, I realized that I must let go of my mentality of fear. I should not worry too much and should not think that my relatives would be scared when I talked to them about the brutality of the persecution of Falun Dafa. People have a side of them that's aware, so I need to keep up my truth clarification step by step based on their ability to accept it.
The Fa-rectification is at the final stage and it is urgent for us to clarify the truth. I still have a lot of room for improvement in that area. I have been producing VCDs for a few years now and my production is getting much better. Not long ago, I had a thought of complacency, "Maybe I am the only one in our area who is able to produce such beautiful VCDs. Since I have already produced quite a number of them (actually the quantity is limited), maybe now I can produce less." When thinking about it again, I felt very embarrassed. Teacher gave me the skill and he expects me to bring it into full play. Many paths have been arranged amongst the various practitioners, and no one has the same path. Therefore how could I make a comparison like that. I have only done a little bit of what I should have done, and I even went so far as to become complacent.
Teacher has repeatedly emphasized the importance of studying the Fa and has asked us to study the Fa more. It is the only guaranteed way for us to go toward Consummation. Our righteous thoughts and everything else all come from the Fa. I hope that all practitioners will study the Fa more, study it well, do not go extremes and steadily do the three things well so as to return together with Teacher and with our righteous thoughts.