(Clearwisdom.net) After watching "Fa-Teaching Given to the Australian Practitioners," I was deeply shocked. Teacher helped me gain greater insights and improved my understanding of Dafa. I found that there still is a big gap between my compassion and the mercy required by Teacher during this Fa-rectification period. Teacher cherishes every life, and even saves those who spy on Falun Gong practitioners. As for correctly dealing with xinxing tests and one's conduct, I also fell short and truly felt ashamed.
At work, I discussed resigning from the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) and its affiliates with all but one of my colleagues. I did not see this individual as being worthy of being saved, as I suffered losses because of his actions. I forbore, and felt I did well. But Teacher's lecture "Fa-Teaching Given to the Australian Practitioners" helped me realize that people like him help me improve my xinxing. Therefore, I should indeed thank him. I should no longer treat him differently. The next day, I went to his office, advised him of the trend of withdrawing from the CCP and its affiliates and he agreed.
Although this seemed to be a minor incident, the wall I had built in my heart collapsed. Therefore, the significance of this action was quite big. If we are able to forbear during every test or tribulation, walls we held up by whatever attachment will fall rapidly. As a veteran practitioner, I came to understand this principle just now. Now I know that my belief in the practice's principles were not solid in the past.
The factors that obstruct me from being diligent are complacency and a strong attachment to fame and pursuit. In order to satisfy my attachment to fame and pursuit, when studying Teacher's lectures, I only took Teacher's favorable counsel to heart, even if it had nothing to do with me. I always believed that these words addressed issues I was dealing with. Yet, when Teacher asked practitioners to pay attention to certain issues and cautioned practitioners, I ignored it since this had nothing to do with me, notwithstanding that I felt at that time that it was about me. I suppressed the thought quickly and only admitted that I had a little bit of a problem. Only now have I discovered that I have not been diligent and have fallen behind too much.
In the past, my self-centeredness always took precedence and many attachments were covered up. Only now were they completely revealed. Attachments such as showing off, fame and self-interest, jealousy, temptations, fear, and selfishness were still very strong. These attachments were hindering me during tribulations. Teacher told us that a pure field will make evildoers hide and tremble. Yet, my mixed and impure field caused me to be frightened by the police at critical moments. What a gap in my cultivation I still had to overcome! After I looked within, I found that my Fa study was separated from my actions. I realized that by holding righteous thoughts and performing righteous actions, every attachment would be revealed, no matter how shallow or how deeply hidden, and that they would be gradually abandoned, and I could fundamentally change.
I awakened because of studying the Fa and reading Minghui Weekly. After reading fellow practitioners' experience sharing, I found huge gaps and felt deeply ashamed. In the past, I only read Zhuan Falun and not articles on Minghui/Clearwisdom. Teacher said that there are no role models for a cultivator. I enlightened that to read Minghui/Clearwisdom is not to simply to imitate others--which is not the behavior of a practitioner-- but to compare oneself with practitioners who do well, look inside to find gaps and shortcomings, correct them and walk well one's own path when validating the Fa.
It's impossible for one's cultivation to be problem-free. To fall or make mistakes is progression or regression in cultivation and one should not become fearful. If we fall, we must learn from it. As long as we look within, find shortcomings and correct them, we are improving. The reason why the evil succeeded in "transforming" certain practitioners is that they could not find their attachments and let go and not because of external factors. When Dafa practitioners' righteous thoughts are strong, the problem will change in importance and become very small. On the contrary, the problem will gain in importance if we lack righteous thoughts. Therefore, we must look within. Looking within makes one strong in one's cultivation, and only looking within is true cultivation.
This is my understanding at present. Please kindly point out anything inappropriate.