(Clearwisdom.net) I am a doctor and began to practice Falun Dafa at the end of 1997. Like many other practitioners, I experienced feelings such as happiness, excitement and enlightenment on understanding universal principles when reading the Fa.
But, since I understood the Fa superficially, its true meanings escaped me. Under huge pressure in 1999, I even admitted in front of a video camera, "I no longer practice Falun Gong." Even if it was against my will, I still made the mistake that a practitioner shouldn't make and put a blemish on Dafa. It is beyond human language to describe how painful and astray I felt afterwards. It was the anguish of my soul.
I remained in remorse for four years, but Dafa is deeply rooted in my heart. One day on my way to work, I suddenly had a thought from the depth of my being, "I want to cultivate in Dafa." The thought was strong. Following that, another practitioner met me and explained to me the persecution from the standpoint of Dafa, such as the staged "Tiananmen Self-Immolation Incident," which had the effect of awakening me from a dream. With tears I read Zhuan Falun again and found that I really got back what I need in my life -- thanks to Master's compassion.
Then I read Master's books with strong pursuit and encountered continuous tribulations. Now I will write what I have realized. Please compassionately point out anything incorrect.
Master, Please Give Me Strength!
Since I returned to Dafa, I understand more and more how precious Dafa is. I hurriedly copied Essentials for Further Advancement and mailed it to a fellow practitioner, but I did so with fear. That practitioner was reported and arrested and she revealed my contact info. After that incident, she phoned me and explained that she had to do what she did. I didn't have any resentment toward her and I believed that she really thought that way when the police arrested her.
One afternoon not long after that, people from the city police department, from the 610 Office and from the local police station arrested me at my office and ransacked my home. I didn't know then how to send righteous thoughts to eliminate the interference, but I realized that they had come for my Dafa materials. They were also looking for culpability for its source. On the way to the police station I thought, "Even if I cannot succeed in cultivation, I must protect the fellow practitioners who gave me the material." Once I thought like that, I became serene and nothing disturbed my peace of mind. My behavior was gentle, unhurried, and neither arrogant nor servile.
The police didn't find anything they wanted and politely sent me back home. I was surprised at my calmness during the whole process and realized it was Master who had strengthened me.
A Single Thought Makes a Whole World of Difference
Further Fa study made me acutely aware of the importance of clarifying the facts and offering salvation to sentient beings. The process of my first attempt at explaining the facts to my colleagues was quite a wonder. On my first attempt my heart beat wildly, over 120 beats per minute. However, when I sent one thought, "A fearful mind is interference from the old forces," my heartbeat resumed its normal state. I can provide no explanation for my experience from a medical standpoint. Later on I understood that I am no longer an ordinary person - this one single thought resulted in huge differences.
There is interference and frustration during clarifying the facts to people. One of my colleagues watched a truth-clarification DVD and thought that it was really good. I then asked her to read Zhuan Falun. Her husband became outraged and took her and the material to our work unit leader. Her husband works in the judicature system and knows deeply how cruelly Falun Gong is persecuted. He was afraid of his wife getting into great trouble for it. My supervisor talked with me. I realized that it was a chance to tell my supervisor of the persecution. I talked to anyone who would sit in front of me about the persecution.
Improving One's Character by Considering Others First
I was transferred from the clinic to the logistics department. At first I felt somewhat puzzled, and then I realized that it was interference and persecution from the old forces and that I should firmly deny it. Should I leave the present position and go to the new position? How can I deny the arrangements of the old forces? I eventually decided to go to work in the logistics department since there were many people there who had never learned the persecution facts.
On the day when they declared I would be transferred to a new unit, I sat in front of a group of supervisors and other relevant people in our small meeting room. From the perspective of ordinary people, this is a serious and dreadful confrontation; but for me, they were only a group of sentient beings waiting to listen to the persecution facts. A leader said, "Why do you insist on practicing Falun Gong even though the central government has forbidden it?" I spoke of Dafa being disseminated worldwide; talked of the staged Tiananmen Square self-immolation; and related the positive effects of Dafa on people, for instance how Dafa cultivation improved my morals. They listened quietly. Sometimes they asked questions. I continued to expose the persecution while answering their questions. The meeting room had become my "truth clarification stage." Then our dean said, "We always persuade our staff not to accept extra money from patients on the side. We really should educate them to improve their morals." His words were proof that this was not a confrontation. I knew then that their consciences were awake. At last I stood up and said, "I will do my work well, anywhere," and ended my speech.
After being transferred to the new position, I openly told them that I practice Falun Gong. Thus, I began my above-board cultivation and "truth-clarification." I discovered that Master had arranged for many significant people to listen to the truth. I was no longer concerned with the possibility of returning to my old position. I no longer cared for it; it was simply up to Master. Two months later I was back in my old position. At that time, the Nine Commentaries on the Communist Party had been published and I persuaded those colleagues who accepted the truth to withdrawal from the Party. Most of them quit the Party and its affiliated organizations.
I reckoned that even if the old forces persecuted me and changed my work situation, I would confront it with a practitioner's righteous thoughts. In this way I turned persecution into a practitioner helping Master to rectify the Fa and build virtue. Thank you Master, for your compassion!
After I returned to my old job, I spoke joyfully with fellow practitioners about the event. Although I still did the three things, my happy mindset, complacency and self-validation rose up without my noticing it. Sometimes I realized it, but I still did not want to abandon it. I enjoyed the happiness and didn't realize that I had departed from the Fa. Therefore, for a long time I felt sleepy when studying the Fa and sending righteous thoughts.
Then I read "Minghui Weekly." I was moved and shaken by fellow practitioners' selflessness, and their experiences of walking on the cultivation path. I understand many Fa principles. From then on I no longer felt sleepy when studying the Fa. Cultivation is indeed serious, and the old forces may interfere with you at any time if you cannot cultivate diligently, if you don't continue to look inside yourself and if you don't do everything according to the Fa's requirements.
One day I had prepared truth clarification materials and was about to go out. I had the following thoughts: "My recent cultivation state has not been good; I have not diligently studied the Fa and am unable to send righteous thoughts calmly. Will I be safe to go out?" Then Master's Fa echoed in my heart. I realized that I couldn't stop offering sentient beings salvation because I was concerned with my own safety. That day I distributed fliers during daylight hours without any complications because this powerful and righteous thought - rock-solid and free from any interruption - accompanied me throughout. My xinxing improved because I thought of others first. I realized the things Master has us do are for our own advancement in cultivation.
Master's Compassionate Protection
I felt that Master protected me over and over again. Once I went to residential buildings in a remote area. I thought that the place was too remote for other practitioners to travel to. I distributed several copies of materials and then opened a box used for ordering milk. What I saw was a copy of the Nine Commentaries. The fellow practitioners' diligence really touched me. I spoke to Master from the bottom of my heart, "Master, take me to the places where fellow practitioners haven't been." I jumped on my bicycle, turning several corners, and arrived on a flat small road. Some low and old buildings that looked neither like a town nor like the countryside appeared before me. Almost all the doors to the buildings were open and people were going in and out. I said to Master, "I am not familiar with surroundings like these. Master, please strengthen me." I was immediately surrounded by an auspicious and compassionate atmosphere. It is hard to describe how peaceful I was. I openly went into these buildings. Even if there was someone coming out, I would only see him after I had put the materials in place. I was calm and free from fear. "Cultivation depends on one's own efforts, while the transformation of gong is done by one's master." (Zhuan Falun) Master does everything; all we do is only to fulfill our mission of helping Master rectify the Fa.
Explaining the persecution facts to my family
Prior to 1999, my son had followed my example to study the Fa and do the Falun Gong exercises. Because I didn't do well, he stopped cultivating in the Fa. When I was clear-headed, I began to tell my son the truth about the persecution. Once my son pointed at my nose and said, "Don't talk of these things with me." I replied, "You must be responsible for your future." He was shocked. I never gave up any opportunity to let him know the facts.
Just prior to an important examination before graduating from secondary school, my son caught a severe fever, as high as 40 0C (104 0F). He wanted neither to go to a hospital nor to receive and injection. I told him just to say, "Falun Dafa is good; Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance is good." My son stared at me doubtfully. Then I told him many stories about fellow practitioners and the miracles of Dafa. He accepted it. After that, he sweat continuously and his body temperature decreased. The next day my son went to the exam by himself. Later on, he told me that once the fever disappeared, he was happy and full of awe. I understood how huge the happiness was, a life returning to the Fa.
Later on my son got several very big blisters on his feet from running. The second day, one of his feet swelled. I ask my son to say, "Falun Dafa is good; Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance is good." He woke up the following morning and found that all the swelling had disappeared. Witnessing the wonder of Dafa, my son again believed in Dafa and returned to Dafa. At that time he didn't study the Fa so diligently. I shared with him more about Dafa. Now my son adheres to studying Zhuan Falun and Essentials for Further Advancement, reads articles on the Minghui website and lets people know the truth about the persecution, even if he is quite busy with his studies. His "xinxing" has improved in the process. We compare with each other on Fa study and cultivation, and we form a good environment to urge each other toward a better understanding of the Fa and more diligent cultivation.
My younger sister works in the southern part of China. We get along well with each other, but she is prejudiced toward Dafa. I spoke with her on the phone several times, but she remained the same as before. I went to help her when she gave birth to her baby. I continued to tell her the facts. She withdrew from the CCP, half believing and half doubting. The day after returning from the hospital, I quietly put an amulet with "Falun Dafa is good" under her pillow.
On the morning of the third day after her child's birth, my younger sister told me that she and her baby passed a test the previous night. She said her baby had cried extraordinarily long and hard the previous night without obvious reason. Then she saw a dark shadow flying toward her and her child. When it had almost reached them, a person with a halo of light behind him beat the shape out with his palm. The dark shadow retreated immediately and her baby immediate stopped crying. I realized that Master let her see a scene in another dimension. After that she believed truly in Dafa. I felt Master's compassion. We really have no reason not to do well with what we should do.
My aunt has good spiritual foundation and is quite interested in qigong. Her third eye opened through practicing another qigong. She kept practicing it until one day she heard that the founders of the qigong she practiced had quarreled with each other over money. This left her feeling acutely disappointed, but she still didn't accept Dafa.
My aunt came to stay with us from far away because my mother was having gallstone surgery. I knew a good opportunity had arrived. I took every chance to tell her the facts about the persecution and about the wonders of Dafa when she took care of my mother. Of course, I not only talked, but also tried to let her see her attachments. Sometimes I even listened more and talked less. I faced my family with righteous thoughts, and the happiness and calmness I cultivated from the Fa. They changed and gradually accepted Dafa. Now my mother says silently every day, "Falun Dafa is good." She told a fellow practitioner that her health improved because of me. The fellow practitioner said my mother is really clear-minded. Actually, my mother's health is due to Dafa.
My aunt also started to accept Dafa. One day as my aunt read Zhuan Falun, she told me excitedly that she saw golden stars one inch above every word in the book. At first she thought that it was an illusion, but when she read the newspaper beside her, no such images appeared. One day she told me that there were layers and layers of Falun (Law Wheels) in front of her. Another day she said she saw Master's Law Body. I am sincerely grateful to Master and Dafa, and really happy to see these lives enlightened.
As for my husband, we get along very well. We seldom quarrel. When I cultivated in Dafa again, I let the old forces take advantage of me because of my strong attachment to fear and emotion. My husband lost his sense of reason and angrily demanded to divorce me. He wanted to drive me away from home. One day he said that the home environment I provide is not like home at all, and I must choose between Dafa and him. He also tore up a Dafa book and truth-clarification materials.
My righteous thoughts were weak then and once he made trouble, I became weak. Sometimes when I wanted to concentrate to send forth righteous thoughts, he would at once shout, "What are you doing?" I didn't understand because he knew that I was about to send righteous thoughts. Later on I realized that he was actually being controlled by demons in other dimensions.
When he quarreled, he always made trouble for my mother. Mother would cry on the phone, and I would too. I suffered greatly. All conflicts came together; love between husband and wife, and affection between mother and daughter, coupled with unlawful home invasion and searches, interference from the local police station, and even some unexpected work situations. The only purpose for all these things was to make me give up Dafa.
Some fellow practitioners suggested I agree to the divorce as they thought I might escape from conflict and repay a lot of karma this way. I thought that it was not the right way. We did not have such a clear comprehension of the Fa at that time and could not distinguish Fa-rectification cultivation from personal cultivation.
When my husband banished me from home I sat numbly on a bench along the roadside during a deep and dark night and really didn't know what I should do. But I kept one thought in mind, "I am a practitioner. I will never give up cultivation." This simple thought sustained me. My husband ran out later on and asked me to come back home. I believed that was not only due to the strength of fellow practitioners' righteous thoughts, but also due to Master's compassion.
With continuous Fa study, cultivation and validating righteous thoughts, I am no longer the person today that I once was. Even if my husband cannot completely understand Dafa, he no longer intervenes in my Fa study, exercises, and sending righteous thoughts. My family atmosphere is harmonious.
In the meantime, I began to tell the facts about the persecution to former classmates, friends and colleagues. I have a specific approach: as I meet them frequently, especially my colleagues, I would gradually talk with them; today a little, no result; tomorrow a bit more, then the next day even more. I would calmly talk with them or once in a while give them some material whenever we are alone together to make it easier for them to accept without fear what I have to say and hand out.
Several years have passed. Most of my colleagues know the truth and have quit the Party. Some of them began to cultivate Dafa.
I treat myself strictly and remind myself at all times that I am a Dafa practitioner. I deal with everyone with kindness, peacefulness and the tolerance I cultivated from Dafa. My colleagues said, "I don't believe what the TV program said. I think that you are kind, and I believe you."
Looking back on my cultivation path, I have staggered along, and am far from the level of maturity Master referred to. Sometimes when I thought of Master I would cry and feel ashamed. But Master always compassionately protects me. My fellow practitioners, the only way we do not disappoint Master is by diligently cultivating. We should consider others first so as to attain "the righteous Enlightenment of selflessness and altruism." ("Non-Omission in Buddha-Nature," Essentials for Further Advancement)