(Clearwisdom.net) I am a Falun Dafa practitioner, but I was one who walked unsteadily. I did not cultivate well. It was not until August 2006 that I had righteous belief in Teacher and the Fa. I realized that as long as I walk righteously on the cultivation path, Teacher will help me. Memorizing the Fa allowed me to have righteous thoughts when I was in danger.
I had not studied the Fa with a tranquil mind from July 20, 1999 until October 27, 2005. A lot of thought karma disturbed me when I was studying Fa and I felt I was wasting time. In October 2005, I repeatedly studied Master's articles, "Eliminate Your Last Attachment(s);" "Rationality" and "Toward Consummation." I suddenly recognized that I lacked improvement because I was pursuing Consummation and was attached to physical matters. I could not let go of life and death and could not give up attachments. I used a human mindset while attempting to cultivate in Falun Dafa.
On October 27, 2005, I made a solemn declaration that cultivating Dafa was serious and the loftiest aspiration. I would cherish this once-in-a-million-years opportunity, do the three things well, and not disappoint Master. I started memorizing Zhuan Falun,
"The Fa can break all attachments, the Fa can destroy all evil, the Fa can shatter all lies, and the Fa can strengthen righteous thoughts." ("Drive Out Interference" in Essentials for Further Advancement II)
With the Fa filling my mind, I thought I would understand the Fa and melt into the Fa.
It took me nine months to completely memorize Zhuan Falun. I finished by early July 2006 and experienced much interference during those months. My father passed away and my mother-in-law was hospitalized for more than a month. However, those hardships did not stop me from memorizing the Fa. I persisted daily to memorize the Fa until I finished. Words cannot express the feeling of being completely assimilated into the Fa from the origin of my life.
Memorizing the Fa made my mind tranquil. The tranquil mind led me to be assimilated into the Fa, and assimilating into the Fa increased the power of sending forth righteous thoughts. Every day, I would stop for ten minutes to send forth righteous thoughts in the middle of memorizing. At work, I clarified the truth to my colleagues and asked them to quit the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) and its related organizations. On the bus or at the market I would do the same. Other practitioners may be ahead of me in their cultivation, but I would try my best to do the three things. I sensed more powerful righteous thoughts and felt closer to Dafa.
At the end of July 2006, someone reported to my workplace that I had distributed truth-clarification materials. The security department notified my husband. That noon he came home, treated me roughly, and destroyed Dafa books. For years he had done so many terrible things, inexcusable from the standpoint of Dafa and
Teacher. He returned at night, started quarreling again, verbally abused me and even engraved defamatory words against Teacher on the door. The next day he started beating me. He pulled me off the bed onto the floor and beat me. My daughter tried to block him and argued with him so that he could not succeed. Later he said, "Well, if you want to live like that I will beat you once a day!"
The next day I stayed at my older sister's place and told my older brother what happened, but I did not tell them that my husband had defamed Dafa. I thought that human reasoning could stop evil acts.
Later on my older brother met with my husband and told him, "If you can't get along with my sister, you may consider divorce. Beating her once a day, do you think that is some kind of a game?"
Unexpectedly, my brother told me to consider divorcing him. How could I divorce him? He still did not know the truth of Dafa, and he had not yet been rescued.
My husband frequently called me and asked me to take care of his mother back home. I did not know how to deal with this. I sat on a bed in the lotus position, looked at Teacher's picture and asked Teacher to give me strength. I knew that Teacher hinted to me to become crystal clear before making the final decision.
I knew this tribulation was a debt I owed from my past and I had to pay it back. I also had to destroy the interference of the old forces. Creating a good cultivation environment was part of my cultivation. The bad cultivation environment at home indicated that I had not cultivated well. My husband was one of the sentient beings in the universe. He would commit a crime against Dafa, by defaming Dafa, and be doomed for destruction if I did not cultivate well. Wasn't I a Dafa practitioner? Wasn't I responsible for rescuing people? How could I rescue one but not another? I had to rescue him.
At night, I held my palm upright and sent forth righteous thoughts. Then I told him in my mind: "Look, I know that you understand sometimes. Listen to me: if I owe you a big debt from my past life, I will bring the greatest fortune for you after I consummate. I must practice Falun Gong. Don't use the old forces' arrangements to persecute Dafa practitioners. If you do, you will really destroy yourself. After the Fa-rectification is completed, any negative forces will be disintegrated and you would be one of them. You would have to give up your future and would never be able to redeem yourself. If I consummate, I will bring the greatest fortune to you. I hope that we can dissolve karmic debts and turn an enemy into a friend." When I sent forth righteous thoughts, my mind was compassionate, but not filled with complaints or hatred.
My husband, my older brother and my sister-in-law arrived after I finished sending forth righteous thoughts. With the power of righteous thoughts I told my husband, "I must practice Falun Gong! I don't want to put a burden on you and I am doing everything good for you."
He said, "What should I do to make you come home?" I said, "Remove those defamatory words from the door." He said, "Sure!" "Secondly, you will not curse my Teacher again." He responded, "OK, I will say 'Long Live Teacher' every day. Does that satisfy you?" I smiled. The tense atmosphere was gone. "Thirdly, I insist that you withdraw from the CCP and the Party's affiliated organizations." He said, "OK, I will do it." He also pointed to my older brother, and as a result, my brother agreed to quit the CCP as well.
The old road-blocks had been removed.
"When it looks impossible and is said to be impossible, give it a try and see if it is possible. If you can actually do it, you will indeed find: 'After passing the shady willow trees, there will be bright flowers and another village ahead!'" ("Lecture Nine" in Zhuan Falun, English Version 2000)
Teacher had once again supported me and helped me to dissolve karmic debts and turn an enemy into a friend. I thank Teacher. I also thank practitioners who helped me improve my understanding of the Fa.
Now when I tell the facts about Falun Gong to my family members, my husband does not oppose me. When my mother-in-law was hospitalized again, I told her to say "Falun Dafa is good!" My husband smiled. Compared to other practitioners, I still have some catching up to do regarding Fa-rectification. Some of them had genuinely cultivated in thought and deed since before the persecution began on July 20, 1999. I will correct myself during Fa-rectification and continue cultivating myself. Our Teacher does not want to leave out even one genuine Dafa practitioner. If you are willing, Teacher will give you power. Teacher said, "...cultivation depends on one's own efforts while the transformation of gong is done by the master." ("Lecture Four" in Zhuan Falun, English Version 2000)
Now when I have unrighteous thoughts and recognize them, I immediately I send forth righteous thoughts to eliminate them. Sometimes, I still have the attachment to fear, but realize that it is not me. I repeat, "Don't Be Afraid!" I believe that I will become a genuine practitioner and overcome any hardship as long as I have Teacher and the Fa.
I have begun to memorize Zhuan Falun for the second time and finish five pages per day. I feel more power and have righteous thoughts from the Fa.
Dafa practitioners have great responsibilities during Fa-rectification. Assisting Teacher with Fa-rectification is the most honorable thing, and opportunities are limited. With the Fa-rectification progressing, as Teacher has told us, and ever more energy from the old forces is being disintegrated. The numbers of people who are prevented from knowing the truth are decreasing and the environment has improved. We need to catch up, and do the three things with righteous thoughts and righteous actions, until the Fa rectifies the human world.
Dear Dafa practitioners, if you have not been involved in the Fa-rectification and have not correctly understood cultivation, please look for human attachments and try to eliminate them. If you cannot concentrate on Fa-study with a clear, uncluttered mind, please memorize the Fa. We must do well and cherish this once-in-a-million-years opportunity. Please memorize Teacher's words,
"... completely let go of everything, behave like an upstanding and noble Dafa disciple who has no resentment or attachments, and leave it to Master to arrange whether you stay or go." ("Teaching the Fa in the City of Los Angeles" on February 25, 2006)
My understanding of the Fa is limited. Please point out anything improper.