I Had Fallen Onto An Evil Path: Thank You Teacher for Clearing My Mind

December 13, 2003

(Clearwisdom.net) I started practicing Falun Dafa at the end of 1998. In 1999, I twice went to Beijing to appeal for Falun Gong. The first time was on September 10, and the second time was on October 28. Because of that, the Police Department of Shunqing District, Nanchong City illegally arrested me and sentenced me to one year in a forced labor camp. At the same time, I was fired from my job at the People's Middle Court of Nanchong City. In July 2000, I was sent to the Nanmusi Women's Labor Camp in Zizhong County of Sichuan Province. There, I was put under tremendous psychological pressure. I was threatened, tormented, deceived, overloaded with physical labor and allowed only four hours of sleep per night. Deceived by the hypocritical police and their lies, I betrayed my belief and dignity. Against my own will, I wrote the "Three Statements" and started to walk down a dangerous path. [Three Statements -- Falun Dafa practitioners are coerced, brainwashed and tortured to write these as proof that they have given up their belief in Falun Dafa. Created by the "610 Office," the three statements consist of a letter of repentance, a guarantee to never again practice Falun Gong, and a list of names and addresses of all family members, friends and acquaintances who are practitioners. "The 610 Office"-- is an agency created to persecute Falun Dafa; it can overrule every level of both the Party and the Chinese government, including the judiciary.]

Afterwards, I was stringently controlled by members of the police department, including special agents. I committed many crimes against Dafa; I even slandered Teacher. I gave into the demands of the prison police and wrote the so-called "Guarantee Statement," "Repentance Statement," and "Denouncement Statement." I wrote monthly reports, exit reports and letters to fellow practitioners asking them to give up the practice. I helped the police in persecuting Falun Gong practitioners. I assisted in brainwashing practitioners who were either new to the labor camp or who were firmly refusing to give up Falun Dafa after a long time in the camp. I helped the police to force fellow practitioners to renounce their belief.

I once went to Pengzhou City and collaborated with the prison police, local "610 Office" [an agency specifically created to persecute Falun Gong, with absolute power over each level of administration in the Party and all other political and judiciary systems.] and special agents, helping to persecute Falun Dafa practitioners in that area. I assisted in brainwashing and re-educating the practitioners with the goal of having them denounce their belief in Falun Dafa. I helped police special agents from Wuhou District, Chengdu City to persecute illegally imprisoned practitioners. Again, the goal was to force practitioners to turn against Falun Dafa.

After I was released from the labor camp, I went back to Nanchong City and continued my evil deeds. I was interviewed and video taped by the Nanchong City Women Association, which was hosting a signature petition to "advocate science and oppose [defamatory term deleted]! Furthermore, I spoke at the "March 8th Celebration Gala," hosted by the Shunging District Detention Center, the Nanchong City Women's Association and the Nanchong City Procurator's Office. During the gala, I delivered a speech in front of all the police and inmates, including practitioners who were illegally detained there. I slandered Falun Dafa and Teacher during my speech.

Under the direction of Nanchong City "610 Office," I joined a "report team" with Yamian Petroleum Institute's Communist Party Director Zhang and Nanchong City Police Academy's second supervisor. This team visited many places to slander Falun Dafa. I made numerous speeches denouncing Falun Dafa and Teacher in Nanchong City, Nanbu County, Langzhong City, Pengan County and many other places. I even made a defamatory speech before the entire Army 5601 Regiment. I also helped to persecute many practitioners from Nanchong City, Gaoping District, Nanbu County and other locales. At that time, two practitioners from the Southwest Petroleum Institute, Li Yanjun and Wu Kaisong, were illegally held at the Xinhua Labor Camp of Mianyang City, Sichuan Province. I wrote letters to them as part of their brainwashing.

I committed great sins against Falun Dafa; yet our benevolent Teacher did not give up on me. Instead, he dropped me hints and gave me chances to enlighten over and over again. Teacher arranged for fellow practitioners to deliver Dafa materials, including new articles, into my hands. Again and again, fellow practitioners studied the materials and shared experiences with me. They helped me to clear my head. After a long and dark road, I finally regained clarity and returned to the path of Falun Dafa cultivation. I submitted a Solemn Declaration to the Clearwisdom website. Because of my attachments in pursing results and hurriedly wanting to make up for the damage I had caused, I was arrested while handing out truth-clarify flyers. The police confiscated my Dafa books and materials. After that, I was repeatedly arrested and sentenced to prison. Whenever I was released, I would remain homeless, in fear of being arrested again. The old forces are constantly looking for opportunities to destroy me. They had special agents spread rumors among practitioners in Nanchong City and Nanmusi Women's Forced Labor Camp, saying, "Pan Xiaojiang was transformed again; she is now dead." In fact, I was being secretly detained at Pi County Detention Center at that time.

In my heart, I wanted to cultivate well. However, I seemed to be stuck in a dangerous state; I was staggering along and could not pull myself out. Then, our benevolent Teacher again arranged for fellow practitioners to study with me. We studied the lecture, "Touring North America to Teach the Fa" lecture over and over again. We sent forth righteous thoughts together and exchanged our understandings. Finally, I understood why I was stuck in the abnormal state and could not overcome the tribulations: I did not recognize the fundamental evil of the old forces and all the arrangements and persecution that they had planned for me. I did not break through it; instead, I I did not cut myself cleanly away from the old forces and the part of me that was made of karma. Because of these loopholes in myself, I was being persecuted endlessly.

I have decided that from now on, I will let go of all attachments and responsibly study the Fa well. I will immerse myself in the Fa. I will use the Fa as my teacher to guide every word, every action, every thought and every intention that I have. I must do this so I can cultivate myself, step by step, and rid myself of all human attachments. I will sever myself from the old forces once and for all.

Today, I solemnly declare and pledge to Teacher: I am Teacher's disciple. I refuse to acknowledge and accept any arrangement made by anyone other than Teacher. I will do well in what a Fa-rectification period Dafa disciple should do. I will walk well in the last leg of my journey.

I declare one more time:

I am a true practitioner of Falun Dafa. Although I committed great sins against Falun Dafa and our Teacher, but our Teacher did not give up on me. I have no reason to give up cultivation. For that, I again solemnly declare that I have returned to the path of Fa-rectification, and I have returned to Teacher. I will be steadfast in my cultivation. All the statements I wrote under the pressure from police, all that I have done to slandering Falun Dafa, to persecuting fellow practitioners, and all the speeches, actions, thoughts, intentions that are not assimilated to Dafa are voided. Those are not from my true self. I will rectify myself from the bottom of my heart. I will immerse myself in the Fa and become a particle in Dafa. Once again, I declare that my heart is in cultivation cannot be moved. I will not sway from the path of helping Teacher to rectify the Fa and save sentient beings. No one will be able to interfere with me. I have loopholes in my cultivation; I will study the Fa and correct them in the process of Fa-rectification and saving sentient beings. I will walk the cultivation path Teacher has arranged for me; I will completely negate the arrangement made by the old force and their evil elements.

Pan Xiaojiang