Since July 20, 1999, I have been detained a few times and because of the evil persecution I haven't done well as a practitioner. Especially in April 2000, at the communist school, police officers beat us viciously. For example they kicked us while wearing leather boots, they slammed our heads against the wall, they used a rope to tightly tie both our hands behind our backs and tightened it with a wooden stick, and shocked us with electric batons that had been connected to high voltage electricity lines. Some practitioners were beaten until they couldn't walk, some until they were unconscious, and some were beaten until they passed out. I couldn't endure it anymore, and followed the evil. Under these circumstances, I did something that a cultivator cannot and absolutely should not do. Although it did not come from my heart, it has brought some negative effects to Falun Dafa. Now, I solemnly declare: Everything I have said, and everything I have done that was not in accordance with Falun Dafa is null and void. I am writing this solemn declaration after much mental anguish. There was a thought penetrating my mind, "Don't write it, after you write it, if you cannot do well there is no other way out." When I realized that this was thought karma, I firmly decided to break through it. After struggling for a few months, I finally broke through it. It seems appealing; wouldn't it be nice to have a backup plan? But it is actually trying to keep you from doing things well.
"Cultivation is hard. It's hard in that even when a terrible calamity strikes, even when evil madly persecutes, and even when your life is at stake, you still have to be able to steadfastly continue on your path of cultivation without letting anything in human society interfere with the steps you take on your path of cultivation."("Path")
From now on, I will listen to Teacher's words, not attach any conditions that would interfere with my cultivation, do well the three things Teacher told us to do, catch up with the course of Fa-rectification, and make up for the losses I brought to Dafa.
In October 1999, I went to appeal in Beijing for the second time. I was discovered in Beijing by people sent from my company. Because I persisted in not writing a "letter of guarantee," [to stop practicing Falun Dafa] while I was under pressure from the police, my parents were afraid that I would be tortured in the police station. They therefore decided to send me to a mental hospital. I was forced to undergo treatment in the hospital, forced to take drugs, and my body and mind were damaged severely. The suffering was excruciating, and it made a day feel like a year. My parents said that if the "letter of guarantee" was not written, the police would come to make trouble, and when I left the hospital, I would still be caught. After staying this way for six months, I couldn't endure it anymore and under strong influence from my attachments, I longed to leave the hospital as soon as possible. Thus, I told my parents "I no longer practice," and my parents arranged it so that I could get out of the hospital. After I came back home, I continued to practice at home. However, whenever I thought about what I had done, my thoughts were uneasy. This was a stain on my life, therefore I, hereby, solemnly declare: The words and things I have said and done because of the evil persecution that are not in accordance with Falun Dafa are now all null and void. I will overcome this hurdle, do everything that Falun Dafa practitioners should do, and make up for the losses I have brought to Falun Dafa.