(Clearwisdom.net) Recently I experienced a sense of pressure and responsibility that I have never felt before. In my cultivation process, I often feel that Teacher is right beside me looking after me and reminding me. But recently, it has become quite common that reminders come one right after another. Teacher's carefully planned hints are urging and pushing me to hurry up and do well, which makes me look further into how I have fallen behind, and strive to catch up with the Fa-rectification progress! Perhaps my experiences and understandings can provide inspiration and examples for my fellow practitioners; hence I would like to share my stories with you.
I was lucky enough to have been cultivating for 8 years. The tribulations make me cherish this once-in-a-life-time chance of cultivating in a righteous Way. I always want to do my best to fulfill Teacher's request. But it is easier said than done. When validating the Fa, I stumble at every test, causing Teacher to worry about me a lot. I feel so grateful, but guilty as well. I will describe a few things that recently happened.
A while ago, my elder sister had surgery and I went to see her in the hospital. She told me the surgery went very well and she encountered many unexpected things. It did not sink into my head at the time, but later I felt there must be something. My sister used to practice Falun Gong but after the heavy suppression, she easily believed the malicious advertisements and public opinion. She even tried to stop me from practicing Falun Gong. I tried diligently many times in vain to bring her back. Eventually I could not bring up the topic anymore; if I did, it would result in a big fight. I had to step aside and wait to see what would happen. When I heard my sister describing the miraculous incidents that occurred while she was in the hospital, I somehow felt that despite her attitude toward Teacher and the Fa that Teacher had not given up on her. No words can express Teacher's great forgiveness and compassion!
I decided to try again no matter what. But during my two visits to the hospital, I could not talk about it and was very nervous. My head was full of human thoughts. What if she started to argue with me right there in the hospital? So I said nothing. Teacher saw my weakness and gave me a big hint through a very serious dream. By a river, I saw two children playing happily in the muddy water; gradually they moved further away from the shore. Eventually the children were in danger of drowning and I wanted to grab them. A selfish thought of me not being able to swim came to the surface. While I was being indecisive, the two children drowned and disappeared. Then a group of people came from far away; they swam like dragons under the water and worked together searching for the children. Finally they were rescued. I was very ashamed of myself at that moment and snuck away, worrying that others would blame me.
I could not be more ashamed of myself after I woke up. Teacher pointed out my dirty mind. This dream woke me up and warned me that we have very limited time. We should never worry so much when it comes to saving lives. Once we miss the chance, we can never make up for the mistake. I should have become selfless from my cultivation and considerate of others in everything. Do I really expect other people to save my family? My mind was much clearer the next day. To be effective, I decided to write a letter. The letter was written from my heart, mixed with my tears, and had truth-clarifying materials attached. I sent righteous thoughts continuously on my way to the hospital, so I felt very righteous when I reached my sister's bed. I spoke to her in tears, "Sister, please believe me. I have brought you the most precious present today. It may have never occurred to you that after leaving the Fa for two years Teacher still cares about you. You successfully, miraculously came through the surgery. Do you know how much karma Teacher has taken over for you without saying a word?" My sister looked at me calmly and listened to me without being upset. She took the present I gave her. Though she has not completely woken up, she does not refuse to talk about cultivation anymore. She's willing to listen, and I have hope of her being saved.
The persecution against Falun Gong in my hometown is very severe. Many of my family members who insisted on practicing had many tribulations. Now they are a little scared, and dare not spontaneously come out to help with Fa-rectification. When I saw this situation, I felt like working on those who directly participated in persecuting my family members. I believe in Teacher's Fa, "Wherever there's a problem, that is where we should go clarify the facts..." ("Teaching the Fa at the 2003 Midwest-U.S. Fa Conference"). I have thus rectified my environment with such thoughts. However, my family members were all against my decision because they thought I had suffered enough tribulations and should not go to the evil places to ask for more. Also, they thought I would bring them troubles by doing so. I realized that their attachments were not righteous and I had the responsibility of correcting them, but once the resistance got higher I felt that it may not be the right time yet, and canceled the idea of changing them.
That night Teacher gave me a dream: one of my teeth was killing me and I did not know what to do. Someone removed this tooth for me even before I had time to consider it. Now all of a sudden there was a huge hole in my mouth. I was a little upset at the time and questioned the person who removed my tooth: "How come you did not ask me before you removed my tooth? Now there is a hole and a crown will never be as good as my real tooth..." Next day I woke up, the dream constantly playing in my head and I did have a toothache. The word "incomplete (missing)" immediately came to my mind and I realized the meaning of the dream. Time waits for no one! Fa-rectification waits for no one. Whatever is not good will be removed, no questions asked. My hometown has an indisputable, predestined relationship with me, and it is perhaps part of my human body! How could I easily give up my responsibility and not save them?
Having understood the Fa, I looked inside myself. Why did I not insist when knowing that my family members' understanding was wrong? Why did I give up so fast when others dissuaded me? Actually, deep inside my heart there exists an impure thought. "Did I not have the attachment of wanting to live an easy life?" Yes! Every time I really wanted to do something, the attachment of fear of difficulties emerged. As soon as others dissuaded me, I had an excuse to cover up my sneaky mind; it has become so natural. I found this unrighteous thought deeply rooted in my head, and this is exactly the notion the old forces arranged for me. We need to deny it and eliminate it, all of it!
Knowing that I was wrong, I quickly corrected it. There was tremendous pressure in the process and I could feel the evil in another dimension desperately wanting to stop me. The evil even shouted my name and tried to kill me. But because my thoughts were pure and righteous, the evil became very weak in reality, and the environment changed immediately. Work of clarifying the truth became very effective. Later on I heard that those who used to persecute my family members came to visit them to express their concern.
One time a frustrating situation made me quite disappointed. I felt sad and tired. I spoke to a practitioner without carefully thinking, "Teacher mentioned that he won't limit the scope our cultivation. I am not too ambitious; maybe he should set limits for me." Initially I thought I was just saying it mindlessly and was not really serious about it. What happened was I had a dream that night. The roof tops of all the beautiful new houses were built and my new house was almost complete, but it was shorter than those of my surrounding neighbors. Not only did I feel uncomfortable, but it also affected the overall scene. A wall in one of my rooms collapsed suddenly. I asked the construction workers what happened.
One of them said, "The wall can be rebuilt, but it would not be easy since the roof top is all sealed. If you want to have your house the same height as the others, we might as well raise the roof top." The worker called the rest of them and they started working. As soon as the rooftop was raised up, another wall fell. That dream had a very deep meaning. The consequence of just one thought can be serious. I recalled part of Teacher's Fa,
"Your path is, and I think you've all seen this now, actually very narrow. If you deviate just a little bit you won't measure up to the standard of a Dafa disciple. There's only one very righteous path we can walk on, and we can't deviate even just a little bit, because this is required by history, and required by the lives of sentient beings in the future cosmos" ("Teaching and Explaining the Fa at the Metropolitan New York Fa Conference").
The reflection of this thought on the celestial body into which our human body projects is huge. A small part of the cosmos being destroyed leaves the rest of the cosmos fragile. Just like Teacher said,
"Many Dafa disciples will achieve the status of gigantic beings in the future, and they will encompass many sentient beings, even boundless beings. So if your standard is lowered, then that level of the cosmos won't last long and that level of the firmament won't last long, so you have to meet the standard." ("Teaching the Fa at the Conference in Vancouver, Canada, in 2003")
Hence what was more serious was that I did not only cause the loss in my own dimension, but directly affected the perfect structure of the entire firmament. Teacher is hammering on me heavily. I did not realize that what came out of my mouth casually could be that serious. I was shocked! Examining myself, what is said "casually" is actually the expression of the true thought of mine. Wanting to have it the easy way, stop moving ahead, being satisfied with the current situation, and not wanting to progress, I was forgetting my sacred responsibility and mission, and wasting the unprecedented cultivation opportunity Teacher created for us. What a dumb and na ve thing I have said that carries such serious consequences! Teacher has given so much for us and exhausted everything he has to give us the best, and I did not know how to appreciate such things, and said such a thing without careful thinking. I couldn't stop feeling ashamed of myself afterward and kept thinking, "Teacher is very sad!" "Teacher is very sad!"...Words can't say how much I have regretted what I said. I truly understand now how much impact there is in practitioners' every thought and every move. The path of cultivation is really narrow, just like Teacher said,
"The cosmos in the future can't have any deviation or errors due to your having omissions during Fa-rectification, so it's important for you to walk each and every step well during your own validating the Fa." ("Teaching and Explaining the Fa at the Metropolitan New York Fa Conference").
There are still more examples of these kinds of experiences. I won't list them one by one. I feel that Teacher's tremendous worries and cares are in every step a practitioner walks on the path of cultivation. We should never let Teacher work and worry so hard and should never let down Teacher's hard work and remarkable compassion! I hope practitioners can learn a lesson from me and cherish the unprecedented cultivation opportunity Teacher has created for us, treasure the limited and precious time of cultivating in this righteous Fa, and consummate our sacred mission. This way we will not let down Teacher, the sentient beings, or ourselves!