I started to learn Falun Gong in October 1995. Through studying Fa, I realized the true purpose and meaning of life. However, when Jiang's regime started its ban and persecution of Falun Gong in July 1999, as a result of not understanding the Fa from the standpoint of the Fa, I did not realize what it meant to be a "Dafa disciple in the Fa-rectification period" and I had some confusion about the Fa. Hiding my own fundamental attachments and accepting my crooked understanding of the Fa, I wrote a "Thoughts Report" which smeared and brought damage to Dafa and also left stains in my path of cultivation practice.
Through further studying the Fa, I realized the true meaning of "Dafa disciple in the Fa-rectification period" as well as the mission of Dafa disciples today. I looked within and asked why I had not done as Master has taught. It was because I did not firmly believe in Master and Dafa and had very heavy fearfulness instead of powerful righteous thoughts. The things hidden behind my fear were fame, gain and sentimentality. As I further checked myself, I found that it was because I was unable to defend Dafa and validate Dafa with my life and was unable to truly lay down my attachment to living or dying. I actually acknowledged and compromised with the old forces' arrangement of my cultivation path instead of following the requirements of Dafa. I want to be a genuine Dafa disciple. I hereby solemnly declare that what I wrote against Dafa in the past is null and void. At this time when the Fa-rectification is close to being accomplished, I will be diligent in my cultivation practice and in doing the three things well, taking responsibility for Dafa, myself, and the salvation of sentient beings. I will redouble my efforts to compensate for the damage I have caused.
November 20, 2003
Because I usually was not able to study Fa with a pure and clean mind, sometimes I had a very heavy attachment of pursuit when clarifying the truth to people. When I was distributing literature, I had the attachment of doing things mixed with fear of being caught. If I did it smoothly, I would develop the show-off mentality. If I did not do it well, I would be very worried. With those not easily observable attachments in my mind, I did things from the standpoint of "selfishness" and hid the purpose of "doing things for myself" behind saving sentient beings. When other fellow practitioners did well, I would stand out to validate Dafa with the mentality of trusting to luck, thinking that if I did not fear, there would be no aspect to make me fear. This actually does not indicate that I was always able to truly get rid of my fearfulness. Sometimes I forced myself to do it. Sometimes I did not have sufficient righteous thoughts in my mind. I always thought others had better understanding about the Fa than I did and therefore admired others and regarded others as my models. So, when I saw that many practitioners had been "transformed," I also followed them to be "transformed" without using the Fa as the standard to measure others' behavior. After being arrested a few times, I developed a mentality of severe fearfulness. Regarding those persecutions as tests on me, I was always afraid that I had not passed those tests well. I was not able to correctly identify the relationship between individual cultivation practice and Fa-rectification cultivation practice. I orally made up my mind that I must refuse the old forces' all arrangements, but actually I cooperated with their orders in my actions, and as a result, the evil forces took advantage of my confusion in understanding of Dafa. With all those fundamental attachments in my mind, under the high pressure and deceitful methods in the labor camp, I wrote down a few words against Dafa with the excuse of giving up the mentality of pursuing consummation.
I hereby solemnly declare that, during the labor camp period, the things I said and wrote against Dafa are null and void. At the same time, I feel very sorry to our compassionate Master. Under such unprecedented magnificent mercy since the beginning of history, I should not lose the last chance. I will redouble my efforts to compensate for the damage I have caused and firmly stick to my cultivation practice.
November 8, 2003