(Clearwisdom.net) Before taking up the practice of Falun Dafa in 1997, I had been suffering from all kinds of illnesses for many years. All the treatments I received had no effect on me at all. Added to my misery were innumerable problems at home. I attempted to take my own life many times, but each time, somehow, something happened to stop me. While I was carrying my last child, I attempted taking my life again. This time, the constant kicking from the unborn child stopped me. In despair, I asked heaven why I had to bear such suffering and why I was not allowed to leave this world. At that moment, a group of angels clad in white suddenly appeared before me. One of them, apparently the leader, said, "You must put up with this suffering." Having said that, they disappeared. I could not comprehend the meaning.
My child became my sole spiritual support after she was born. I kept reaffirming to myself that I would devote the rest of my life to live in a monastery when my child got older. One day, after a heated argument with my husband, I left for the monastery with my two-year old. The old monk at the monastery said to me, "You may stay here for a couple of days, but you must go home. No teacher here has the capacity to take you in as a disciple. But, do not worry, no one can harm you either."
I could not understand why there was no place for me in this world and why I must return to that miserable home. "When my child gets older," I said to myself, " I will definitely find a place where I could leave this world peacefully."
One day in 1997, I came across the book Zhuan Falun Volume II. After reading through the book, I was greatly inspired and determined to take up Dafa cultivation seriously. The moment that thought entered my mind, I saw Teacher appear before me and he said, "Cultivation is a serious matter. One has to go through a lot of suffering." I replied, "I am not afraid of any hardship, I will cultivate Falun Dafa." Through reading Teacher's books, I have learned a lot about the truth of life -- my miserable life was due to karma accumulated from my previous lives. I was glad that I had not killed myself. Killing is a mortal sin, as said in Zhuan Falun. Having understood that, I recovered from my illnesses and my relationship with my husband also improved.
I remember the first time when I opened the book Zhuan Falun, I saw a rainbow of colors and a train of colorful rings, big and small, coming out from Teacher's photograph. And when I started reading, small sounds could be heard as the book gave off a brilliant light. Then, I saw a pink lotus flower start to blossom and many tiny white energy mechanisms running around my body. Then, at another time while I was meditating, I saw a man in black, with a sword in one hand, charging towards me and trying to kill me. Just when he was about to reach me, someone wearing gray came out from behind me, fended him off with a sword and saved me.
When Jiang and his gang started persecuting Dafa practitioners in July 20, 1999, everyday the media broadcast nothing but fabricated lies against us. I was determined to put in all my efforts to protect Dafa and clear Teacher's name. Later, I was arrested and the police threw me into a prison with male convicts to break my will. I did not want the same unfortunate events that happened in Masanjia Labor Camp to happen to me. So I formulated a very strong message in my mind, "These people will not dare to touch me." After many attempted attacks, the convicts gave up. Eventually, under the protection of Teacher and my strong righteous thoughts, I managed to leave this den of evil.
Later, due to my misinterpretation of Teacher's words, I signed an agreement with the camp officer. When I realized my mistake, I regretted it greatly. I felt miserable and that my cultivation would be in vain. Crying bitterly in my heart, I begged Teacher's forgiveness, "Teacher, I have done wrong against you. I do want to be your disciple. Please give me another chance." Teacher's mercy was immediately revealed - a surge of energy suddenly went through my body; I had not been forsaken. Since then, regardless of who interrogated me, I always replied with dignity, "Yes, I am still practicing and Falun Dafa is righteous." Later, I was happy to hear that many officers, after reading Teacher's books, had changed their original negative attitude towards Dafa. Truth always prevails.
The above was part of my few years of cultivation experience to share. Please point out anything inappropriate.