February 26, 2002
In order to appeal for the Falun Gong practitioners who are persecuted, I got on the train to Beijing right after Chinese New Year in 2000. Since the authorities had blocked all avenues of appeal, I had no choice but to do the meditation exercise right on Tiananmen Square as my way to validate Dafa. I was arrested and escorted to the Changchun Liaison Office in Beijing. On the return train trip back to Changchun, one police officer coerced my husband and me to hand over all our money to him in lieu of being beaten up. He forcefully took all 4,000 Yuan from us. Once we returned home, we were illegally sentenced to forced labor "re-education." I was sent to the infamous Heizuizi Forced Labor Camp.
The supervision was extremely tight at Heizuizi Labor Camp, and Dafa practitioners were not allowed to practice. Nevertheless, many practitioners insisted on practicing in the beginning. Camp guards started to use various physical punishments, such as forcing us to kneel down for long periods of time, tying us up to a bed, or a special torture technique named "flying an airplane," (In this torture, the head is bent down until it cannot go down any further, while the hands are pulled up and held up to the highest point. The hips have to point up. One is forced to keep this position unchanged for a long time. ) to force us to stop practicing. Later they escalated to using electric shocks. One day I was summoned to the guard's office after I had practiced the exercises. Four of the guards: Wang Xiaohui, Yuan Ying, Feng Xiaochun, and Yu Bo, threatened me, "Are you still going to practice?" I replied, "Yes, I will practice." So they stripped my upper clothes and all four of them started to shock me with electric batons. They put the baton at a position near my arm and continued for several minutes. The pain from this torture was very miserable. Later there was a big patch of blisters on my arm from the shocking, but I was not intimidated by their violent coercing.
After July 2000, some practitioners in Heizuizi Labor Camp were forced to give up practicing. When others asked what I thought, I replied that I had never even considered it, since it was absolutely unthinkable to withdraw. How could I break away from such a sacred Fa? Although knowing full well while I was sober and alert that separating from Dafa is wrong, I still had my human nature. Often I worried that I might not have solid determination, and worried about my ability to endure for a long time. I began to feel very tense. Because of the fear that I might not be able to handle it, the old evil forces would ask the collaborators [former practitioners who were brainwashed and turned against Dafa] to threaten me. I became jolted by the frightening thought in my mind. Fortunately I realized quickly that this doubt was all caused by my own unwarranted worries. I began to think about how to conquer the evil.
I could not be overly concerned about myself. One way or another I was willing to sacrifice everything I had. In the brainwashing class, I refused to accept anything those collaborators said in their lectures, and constantly purged those evil things out of my system. I steadfastly guarded my righteous thoughts and spent most of the time reciting Teacher's Fa. Conducting myself this way, there was no room for the evil ideas to penetrate. However, after a while some of their material inadvertently got into my head, and weakened my own main conscience. It was Teacher's article "Determination and Solidity" that guided me throughout that period. It allowed me to clearly see through the collaborators statements and recognize that all their stuff was only low down and deceptive lies. Teacher's article also enabled me to realize that if I ever accepted their slanted and wicked words I would fall all the way to the bottom. Bolstered by the guidance of the Fa I kept myself vigilant throughout the twenty days in the brainwashing class. Later, the brigade leader Guan Wei called me into the office, and asked me whether I had thought carefully after so many days. I told her, "No, I did not give much thought to that." She threatened and screamed, "So when will you change your mind?" I said, "Falun Dafa is truly good and I will never separate from Dafa." She started to shock my face with the electric shock baton, immediately causing blisters on my face. I could not even recall how many times similar coercions like this one took place.
Later, they sent me to the 6th Brigade. I had already heard that the supervision and treatment was even rougher there. Just as I thought, I was bullied to read slandering articles on the first day I got there. The guard shocked me after I refused to read. Even more hideously, they tore Teacher's picture to pieces and forced me to step on them. In the evening, after guards administered more shocks to me they said, "We will let you think it over tonight, and we want an answer from you by 5 o'clock tomorrow morning." After returning to the quarters there was another round of mental bombardment from the collaborators. Under this pressing situation from the collaborators, plus the after effect of the electric shocks, and thinking about further tortures the next day, I virtually spent the whole night in fear. Each day spent over there indeed felt like a year. Facing this imminent challenge of life and death I again thought about whether it would be acceptable to give up practicing. But after repeatedly using the Fa to guide my understanding, I determined that I must continue my cultivation within Dafa.
Just as I had thought, I received a full dose of shock torture the next day by brigade leader Li. Even though the immense strain nearly suffocated me, my righteous thought warned me that I must tough it out. During this period of time, where I experienced danger amidst danger, I was made more aware why some people would abandon Dafa under impediment and oppression. It was easy to lean towards evil if one had no righteous thoughts. Often, those who gave up Dafa would even find excuses for themselves.
After I did not cave in to their tortures during several days spent in the 6th Brigade, I was returned back to my old brigade. Brigade leader Zhang Guimei would put the electric shock baton right on my neck and at my underarm to shock me for several minutes because I did not cooperate. My neck was swollen due to the shocking, and there were numerous wounds on my underarms. I summed up the lessons learned after passing each test and tribulation. I usually passed the test well relying on my divine nature. I would tell myself I have a divine body that can endure pain and suffering. I did have the attachment of fear when facing the test. I would start to think that a god would not be afraid, only my karma would be afraid, thus ridding myself of my fear. With this mentality I would be at ease during the tribulations and usually had no fear even afterwards.
One time brigade leader Zhang really shocked me violently. She even declared, "If you do not submit or yield, then what awaits you will be daily electric shock treatment." Because the electric shocks did not faze me, the evil guards forced me and a couple other resolute practitioners to sit in full lotus position for three days. We could not move even during mealtime. Our legs hurt so badly that we could hardly even walk after. But I could not be subdued even by this torture. So the guards sent me to the "Intensive Transformation Class," where I was not allowed to sleep for the entire evening. They asked all those collaborators to inundate me continuously by taking turns. One Dafa practitioner had not slept for five days when I got there, and they tried to coerce her to slander Teacher. They would shock her if she refused, as well as applying tortures such as "flying an airplane" and other physical punishments. Even now, newly detained Dafa practitioners are not allowed to sleep if they do not declare "Giving Up" at Heizuizi Forced Labor Camp.
Validating Dafa is the most sacred undertaking. The one-year illegal detention was already forced upon Dafa practitioners. They further added another year to my detention. I started a hunger strike to protest against the illegal detention. I felt this was the right way to prove that Dafa is innocent. Dafa practitioners should be unconditionally released without any charges. Yet what awaited us were more cruel tortures. During one force-feeding, the camp doctor Guo Xiaojuan opened my mouth as wide as it would open with a tool. I could hardly breathe. Then she got a thick tube and forcefully inserted the tube down into my stomach like she was sticking the tube into a piece of machinery. That made it even harder for me to breathe. Then suddenly she started pouring water into my mouth, and I nearly suffocated. I struggled hard even after five days of hunger strike. Five or six guards could not hold me down. One would only struggle with all one's might when facing the life and death situation. Yet the guards still ordered me to be held down. How hideous they were. Another camp doctor, Chen Li, also tortured me using a similar method, and I nearly passed out due to suffocation. The mouth-opening tool knocked my tooth loose and cut my tongue. The Head of the Clinic, Guo Xu, deliberately pushed in the force-feeding tube through my nose and then pulled it out over and over again. She did not stop even after my nose was bleeding. She slammed my head hard against the bed. She never had the intention to feed me, only to torture me.
At that moment my human nature got a hold of the divine part of me. I started to wonder how I could endure such daily torture? Evil took advantage of me when I lowered my guard. Guo Xu said, "I will torture you like this everyday if you do not eat." I lost my composure in this tribulation. I did not apply the side of my true nature to face the issue; rather I used my human side to try to figure it out. Later I knew I had made a mistake. I felt that I had fallen down at that moment and my human nature had become dominant. I worked hard to overcome it and finally conquered the human side. I gathered my courage again to mitigate the damages that I had caused to Dafa, since as a Dafa practitioner I must completely reject everything arranged by the old evil forces. At this time I remembered what Teacher said, "It is extremely dangerous to add anything human to cultivation practice" ("Digging Out The Roots"). In fact, when I really stood at the foundation of guarding the Fa, I did not feel that much suffering in the middle of tribulations. Perhaps I really assimilated to the Fa at that time.
I realized that I could no longer be like last time when they force-fed me, and I did not reject their evil act with all my might. This time I must completely thwart their attempt. By doing so I finally got out of the dungeon.
Even though I am free, there are still tens of thousands of Dafa practitioners being detained. They are still enduring the cruel tortures, and still struggling amid painful sufferings. They could even lose their lives at any moment. Whenever we are trying to seek comfort at our home, whenever we are finding excuses for our attachment, we must remind ourselves right away that Teacher is still enduring unfathomable sufferings for us, and our fellow practitioners are struggling against evil with their lives. We have no excuse to slack off ourselves. We must put ourselves whole heartily into the Fa rectification, and accomplish all Fa rectification tasks well with our best effort.