(Clearwisdom.net) Recently I read an article on Clearwisdom, saying that it is selfish not to write about our understandings of the Fa or share our experiences in cultivation with other practitioners. It gave me a jolt, and touched a sensitive spot inside me.
Reflecting on myself, many attachments were exposed during the process of resolving my conflicts, thinking about whether I should write something or not, and whether I should submit my article or not. I don't mean that we should all write articles and submit them. What I mean is that many of my attachments and human mentalities have been exposed during the process of writing the article. Since we are all practitioners, isn't it a way to expose our attachments so that we can get rid of them?
I had written quite a few articles before. The biggest barrier was my worry about whether my articles would be published. If not, to me that meant they were not well written or my understanding of Fa was not correct, indicating that I haven't cultivated myself well. I was afraid of facing this possibility. In order to cover up my fear, I chose to not submit my articles. This saved me from some discomfort for the time being, but isn't it really deceiving myself, judging my cultivation from my articles instead of from the perspective of Fa-rectification and cultivation state, and only being concerned about whether I have cultivated myself well or not? In fact, deeper down it's an attachment to whether I can reach consummation or not. Isn't this a reflection of selfishness? This was not being responsible to Dafa, to sentient beings and to myself. [Editor's note: there are many possible factors in deciding if an article is published immediately. Timing, considerations for potential effects on non-practitioner readers, and other factors are all possible reasons for an article not being published immediately.]
After I finished writing the above, a thought jumped out, "Oh my! Such selfish thoughts! Will others laugh at me? I'd better not write any more. It's fine as long as I am aware of it myself." I think it is my heart of selfishness that I have touched. It's trying to interfere with me in order to survive. It's definitely not my true nature, my true self. My true self would not try to cover up any attachment. Why not bring the attachment out in the open? Think about it. Who is afraid of being exposed? Who is trying hard to cover the evil? Sometimes I think that when I am not willing to look within myself, I am providing the evil substance with the space to grow and expand.
The mentality of self-deception does not just manifest itself in writing articles, but also in clarifying the truth. I have been clarifying truth through the Internet. Recently, I realized that I have been going through the motions of chatting and not minding whether I can make it clear or not, without considering how I can make it more acceptable. Sometimes I even feel afraid that someone will reply to my postings. If the reply is supportive, I may feel happy, but if the reply attacks Dafa, I may feel bad, so I even thought that it was better not to get any replies. But, why are we clarifying the truth? To help those who were misled and to turn their negative attitudes toward Dafa into positive ones! How can I be so irresponsible? Aren't I acting like an everyday person instead of a practitioner doing Dafa work. It is with everyday people's mentality that we want to obtain something from Dafa, and this thought was not based on compassion, but individual consummation. I was only thinking of doing enough to reach consummation instead of treating myself as a Fa-rectification period Dafa disciple. As Teacher told us,
"If you are still unclear about what a Fa-rectification disciple is, you won't be able to step forward in the current tribulation, and you will be led by the human world's pursuit of comfort to 'enlighten' along an evil path." (from Teacher's article Fa-Rectification Period Dafa Disciple)
Faced with so much selfishness and so many unrighteous thoughts, I sometimes don't know what to do and feel scared. I sometimes ask myself, "Am I still a practitioner?" I remember that a fellow practitioner said, "Don't be afraid of too many unrighteous thoughts." It's an attachment itself to be afraid of attachments. It's better to expose the attachments than to hide them, especially hiding them for the sake of not losing face and self-reassurance. Doing so can only enlarge the attachment. When I was writing this article, two characters emerged in my mind, "Yong Meng" (diligence). My body felt shaken, followed by a wave of warmth. I realized that a great change took place inside me. As practitioners, we should be brave enough to look within ourselves, solve any problems we have, and diligently strive forward in letting go of our attachments.
Please kindly correct anything inappropriate that I've said. Finally, let's encourage and remind each other by reading once more Teacher's poem A Righteous God,
"With righteous thoughts and righteous actions,
He is diligent without letting up
Eliminating demons that damage the Fa
He is good to all beings"