Falun Dafa Minghui.org www.minghui.org PRINT

Admitting My Mistake to Fellow Practitioners

June 01, 2006 |  


One day I suddenly remembered something from the past: While I was in a detention center, the police interrogated me. I was afraid, and I disclosed the approximate location of fellow practitioners' communication. Later I heard that police used this information to threaten other practitioners into telling the details of the situation, causing a chain of persecution. From then on whenever I thought of this thing, I felt ashamed. But I have never acknowledged this to others, not even to my wife. Even my closest fellow practitioners did not know about this. Even when practitioners asked "Did any of you disclose this?" I did not admit it. I hid it, and it seemed that even Master and gods ignored it and also forgot it. It seemed to me that if Master and gods know it and fellow practitioners do not know, if I do well in the future, this trace of a sin will silently weaken, then disappear as if it had never happened. For a long time I cheated myself on this issue, and kept myself numb, while still actively doing Dafa work.

But one time when I was meditating, this thing came back to my head, making me feel shameful. I felt deeply ashamed in front of Master and fellow practitioners, which put my heart into turmoil. At the beginning I still wanted to let it pass, but continuously for a few days when I calmed down, or when I sat in meditation, I would feel it clearly in my heart. It was like a dark and cloudy venom, burning and stabbing my heart. Whenever I faced it quietly and candidly, the pain would become clearer. It started to become clear that this is a problem I must face and a mistake I must rectify.

Dinner-time for everyone sitting together came again. We all sat down in front of the table. They all talked and laughed, while I felt so heavy. I do not remember how many times before I had determined to admit my mistake. The time was passing minute by minute. My heart beat very fast, my head kept ringing, my face must have been reddish, and I kept telling myself, "I cannot delay any loner, I will tell it now..."

With the final acute pain only I myself know, I gnashed my teeth, " I must tell you all, I have betrayed fellow practitioners!"

Fellow practitioners did not despise me. On the contrary, we now have more frankness and care for each other when communicating. I felt my heart become relaxed and easy.

Be careful! We should try our best! This is just what we should do. Teacher and limitless gods are watching us. Let us walk our paths as Dafa cultivators! Teacher's compassionate smile leads the way!